Hello. It’s been awhile. My life has taken a serious detour and I’m not sure if I will ever get back on the road I was going down. Things are so … different. It’s hard to find joy in most things lately. Things seems so.. trivial and pointless compared to the state of the world we live in.
I want to do my normal content and chat with you about Coachella … but even that seems silly.
Plus, I wasn’t really into the set list this year. Don’t get me wrong, I did watch some of it and what I saw was pretty good. Coachella use to feel like a celebration to me… now it seems … like a cute bandaid. Effective yet utterly pointless. How did I get here?
I’ve reached the point in my life where I find myself crying over a stray cat on the side of the street, buying pink accessories for myself, my home, my car and to secretly wanting one of these crazy ass people downtown to come in and do something stupid just so I can take our bat and swing for their head.
Sweetly Violent… I guess? Is that a thing?
I’m so worried about the state of our world… worried about war, worried about my kid who’s the age they want if there’s a draft, worried if my business will make it through this shit, worried if I have enough money to survive this shit, worried that people are just going to get worse… my mind can’t focus on anything but the words “what the fuck”
How did the country get here? Well out of 42% of people surveyed didn’t know that Lay’s potato chips were made from potatoes. So … there’s that. Oh! Or how about that there is a thing floating online called “Rape Academy” that’s been viewed over 60 million times and it has a chat room where guys ask other guys advice about slipping women drugs and making sure they give them enough to knock them our but not make them over dose. Some of those men also have uploaded videos of them drugging their wives and not only having sex with them but having other men come over and have sex with them…
As someone who has been sexually assaulted as a child and an adult.. I am completely horrified.
Its funny the chaos and hurt a man gave inflict on a woman and then turn around and tell her she should
do better or act better or look better… Fuck man… surviving almost killed me, I’m just grateful to be here today.
I tried to focus on Coachella… I barely watched a third of it.
But what the fuck, I’ll drop my two cents anyways and give a shot.
Every year, I find a band I have never really heard of before or have heard of them but hadn’t listen to their music. This year, I got introduced to Wet Leg. I love them. They are great and I’m looking forward to diving into their discography more. Laufey performed and I was so pleased with her performance. She truly is such a talent. I tuned in to Bieber, both weeks. 1st week.. started out rough. I wasn’t sure what was gonna happen and if he was even gonna be able to finish the set. 2nd week… was really good. He seemed really happy and like a weight had been lifted. I feel like he really needed that and it made me happy to see him in his element and having fun. Sabrina Mother Fucking Carpenter… I mean… holy shit. That was 2 epic weekends for her. Loved the Thelma and Louise cameos, loved that Will Ferrel was out there doing what he does best, but the 2nd weekend she brings out fucking Madonna. What?!?!?
Anyone that truly knows me KNOWS I love me some fucking Madonna and this performance didn’t disappoint. I missed Lykke Li, The xx, Devo, and many many more. I just couldn’t keep up and didn’t have the energy to keep up with it this year.
Speaking of energy … I’m tired.. mentally, and physically .
Maybe I’ll feel up to it tomorrow.. good night.
Tag: blog
Two women and an electric drill on a mission…
Well it’s official, we’ve raised enough to stay at our location for the next month and hoping to continue this streak of good luck! We had some donations and with the help of our community (especially our spooky friends) we have hope to continue this fight to keep our business open and at its current location.
So what does this mean? Well… for starters… we are gonna go BIG or go home. After talking to many business owners in the same field and hearing feed back from other creators, we have decided to upgrade our museum, our front display windows, expanding our gift shop, and adding online classes to our regular class & event schedule.
After today, we are closing for 48 hrs to try to revamp, move, renovate, and renew our space.
Two women, paint brushes, hammers, an an electric drill, and a 12 ft ladder…
what could go wrong??
It’s definitely a race to the finish line as we try to recharge our location to spark curb appeal, interest, and get more customers in the door.
Excited? Yes! Terrified? Yes! Is this a big fucking gamble… fuck yes.
I would like to add that although I am kinda artsy & creative, I am not blessed with Bob the Builder genes and let’s keep in mind I’ve hurt myself numerous times trying to be Bob The Builder. You should see my floating shelves in my apartment… yeah not good.
This is a leap of faith and our last Hail Mary. This has GOT to work. We’re laying everything on the line to keep our business up and running.
If you can’t find me for the next two days, I’ll be knee deep in paint and drilling shit I shouldn’t be touching and hopefully… I will remerge on Tuesday. Say a prayer, cross your fingers & toes, wish on a star all that shit because we are gonna need it. haha!
Take care everyone! Wishing you all the best
Cold Old Bones
YNope not a horror related post. Although, the last two weeks have been pretty fucking horrifying. But… I digress.
Life lately has been off. You feel it too right? So much frustration, uncertainty, and awful sucker punching .. left and right. It’s so hard not to feel like we are all in the Bell Jar on a daily basis. Sometimes I just wanna yell “When the fuck is this nightmare gonna fucking end?”
Yesterday, was a whirlwind of a day.
I woke up, and it took 10 min for me to not feel shitty. I was freezing (I’m getting to that old lady age where I’m freezing if it’s under 70 degrees). Anyone over 50 experience this shit?
It’s a bit ridiculous really. I remember going to dance clubs in my 20’s, in the middle of winter, and no jacket in sight with a skirt or dress on. Not cold at all. Now.. I can’t step outta my apartment without a jacket or hoodie and it’s 74 outside. What the hell is that about?
Getting old kinda sucks but I also like to wear it like a fucking survival badge.
I couldn’t sleep last night because I was so cold but I’m too cheap to turn the heater on. Heat in this economy? I don’t think so. I’ll light something on fire before I spend anything else.
I spent most of the night worrying, crying, overthinking, and just being scared as hell.
Rock Bottom doesn’t feel too great but when you are feeling the weight of everything that is going wrong or everything you know about… it just seems so … dark and cold.
After yesterday, I decided I would approach today a little differently. There were multiple encounters yesterday where people showed so much kindness and all though there were some scary conversations, it was the first time I felt like I could breathe and gather my thoughts. Fight, Flight or Freeze are some exhausting feelings. So this morning, I mustered up a little hope, got dressed, made my lunch for the day, and headed in to work with a little more wind in my sails driven by that hope. Sometimes, that is all ya got and the phrase “fake it until you make it” was my plan for the day.
I got to work, lit some incense, turned on some tunes, and just started in. If I had a hot coffee I think I could conquer that day but improvised with a bottle of water and a Trader Joes PB&J bar. Will it get me through until 1am? Maybe? Probably not? Hell I dunno but I’m willing to go for it.
Am I scared? Yes. Am I more worried now than ever? Yes. Am I incredibly tired & sad? Yes.
Is there a fucking playlist full of nostalgic tunes and Hayley Williams/Paramore songs playing in my mind, regrettable things said or unsaid hanging over my head, and an array of emotions seeping into every fiber of my being? Yes.
Today the lyrics that are repeating in my head are …
“I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, babe
Or if you strike out and you’re crawling home.”
My mind is heavy but my heart is a little more full than it was yesterday.
But.. I showed up & I’m here. Even without coffee and that is pretty serious.
Sitting here with Love, Fear, Sorrow, Worry, Stress, Frustration, Hope….
all of these feelings while being fucking cold.
Music Love & Coffee 