Beautiful Day for a Drive

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I love being cold and wearing sweatshirts and bulky sweaters. The weather here is heating up this week and I have to be honest… I’m not mad at it.

There’s been some dark, heavy, stressful, and sad days for months and for the first time (in a long time) I can’t wait to soak up the weather today and drive around this afternoon in this weather.

It’s a busy day at work which means we’ll be riding around downtown this afternoon and late evening and it feels like a good time to take a breath, look around, gain some sanity & calm back, and put things in to perspective.

There is so much uncertainty going on in the world right now, especially here in the US. With the unstable conditions of Iran , the meeting today to bring a proposal to purchase Greenland (I can’t believe that is something that is actually happening…. It’s embarrassing), and the chaos in Venezuela. Now they are threatening to bomb Mexico. What a shit show.

Trump stated last night he won’t tolerate Iran punishing and killing their protestors. Also stated that the people of Iran should rise up and basically overthrow their government. The irony of it all makes my brain do mental gymnastics that will fall short of a perfect landing. What the actual fuck is happening.

This is the kind of shit that has me absolutely terrified of WW3. If that shit goes down I will not survive, I know that. I don’t have the funds, the family, the nerve to make decisions. If shit goes down , I will definitely be in need of saving because … I don’t event know… fuck me running … this is a fucking mess.

So….shoving all that aside plus the day to day stress of my life… I need this day outside. It’s a much needed break from everything. Just cruising around town, sitting the desk, and cruising some more. It’s a long day but a good day.

Putting everything out of my mind and just staying focused on the beautiful weather, the happiness I feel today, and the hope I’m clinging to that things will be ok.

Even if it’s for one day. I’ll take it.

Burn it all down or go get a hair cut?

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I am at a cross road. I’m emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. So I have two personalities jockeying for position currently.

One – depressed me that is overwhelmed by everything , crying myself to sleep at night with a playlist on repeat, not wanting to get out of bed, avoiding all gluten, cutting back on coffee, afraid to drive my car anywhere ( my tires are low, I haven’t had an oil change in a year… I’m terrified to drive any farther than my work and home) , cry and feel regret, worry myself sick about friend’s medical outcomes, numb out and disassociate, cry in the parking lot because I don’t want to grocery shop but also cry because I don’t have the money to grocery shop, be so upset that there are some evil fucked up people in the world and I feel useless in helping in any way shape or form, I think about my death at least twice a week, I’m worried because I don’t know if I have the skills to survive WW3, and cry some more.

Then there is cunty me that is fucking tired of men doing and saying WHATEVER they fucking want because they want it their way or no way else, go to bed mad because I want to light a match and burn it all the fuck down, I wanna eat a loaf of garlic bread with a jar of spaghetti sauce, I want a 32 oz coffee every other day.. fuck it … it’s the only think lately that doesn’t make me wanna walk the plank on a daily basis, I wanna get in my car and just drive the fuck away from here , I want to pretend for a weekend someplace else and have no responsibilities, room service, & wild nights with zero regrets, I am fucking tired of feeling guilty for loving people, i want to curse all the horrible fucking mean people in the world and smite my enemies, in the event of WW3 I think I could be an excellent informant that will cut you from balls to throat if you threaten me, my family, or my friends..:. Seriously from nuts to thorax. Fucking done with people not recognizing my worth and treating me like a consolation prize..:… burn it fucking down

Which of these alter egos will prevail?

Maybe I just need an oil change and a good hair cut & facial? I dunno I can’t figure it out all in one night.

Or….. I can just choose to be this chick…

35 years

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On this day, 35 years ago my mother walked in to my room and said “I need to go to the hospital”.

There was a couple sentences exchanged here and there in the next 6 hours , but that was the last sentence I truly remember.

35 years ago, she went into the hospital to die and I would never talk to her again.

She was in and out of consciousness for a couple days but passed on January 4th. As the days get closer and closer to that date… I feel myself slowly slipping into sadness.

She was done with this world and didn’t want to be in it. She had enough of her life. She wasn’t happy. The man she loved was a fucking sick pedophile unfaithful alcoholic monster that treated her like a piece of shit. And it absolutely killed her to face that.

She was so unhappy and life wasn’t fair to her. Yet she was fair to everyone and kind.

I wish I was a little bit older when everything happened. I Would have done things differently for sure.

35 years ago… that seems like a lifetime that I’ve lived without her. Sometimes when the ones you love disappear you don’t realize how much time has gone by because you feel frozen in that moment of time. If you stay frozen there… you can’t forget them.

It’s been proven that I’m pretty forgettable but I wonder if she remembers me.

I would really like if she did .

It would be nice if someone remembered that I’m still here.

I hope she remembers

I am sill here

Please remember

New Year’s Eve (reality vs expectation)

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Ever since I saw this movie, I really thought that ONE day I would be lucky enough to get this ending on New Years. The dream (or expectation) is so much better than the reality.

So when the song played “what are you doing on New Year’s Eve” played tonight.. I was home in bed by 10pm. I stayed up and listened to music and to the barrage of fireworks going off in my neighborhood.

It’s funny how you can feel a range of emotions but in the end… the heart wants what it wants. Everything else is just a consolation prize.

Wishing you a happy and successful 2026. May you be surrounded by unconditional love, compassion, and understanding.

“Stranger Things” – My Thoughts

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( • spoilers … Do Not Read if you haven’t watched it yet)

The Series Finale Recap & Thoughts ….

Things that really bothered me:

• the last 25 min was unnecessary

• El jumped from the upside down into a different planet

• El’s lip fillers has been a topic this season and when she cries they get bigger— now I realize she isn’t a little girl anymore but every scene I ended up staring at her lips. I got caught up in fixating on her fillers too

• No one dies ( they even imply that El “could” still be alive) I mean besides Mrs Wheeler, no one has scars or seriously injured from worm hole jumping unto a different planet and fighting a gigantic fucking space spider from the underworld or something , fighting and killing off Vecna and none of them got seriously hurt or killed?

• The rooftop scene was about 3 min too long. They can’t come back to Hawkins, they are too busy but can meet up once a month in a different state and stay at Robyn’s uncles house?

• Oh.. Hopper can afford caviar now

Things I liked :

• Holly’s friends starting to play D & D

• Mrs. Wheeler after 18 months still has battle scars and looks like she’s been through the hell that everyone’s been through.

• El pulls Mike into the void to say goodbye

• the Fake out of “Steve’s gonna die” – he didn’t but damn I thought they were gonna start out like that… fucking Duffers

• Henry’s memory sequence on how he became Vecna was fantastic.

• Joyce axing the fuck out of Vecna’s head.

• Holly stepping up and being a bad ass

• Steve now teaches sex ed. Haha fucking classic

Final Thoughts

This didn’t need the last 25 min It felt extended for no reason so they could put it in theaters. That whole end could have been in a montage with Robyn narrating. I kept checking the time wondering why there was 25 min left.

All in all.. it was good . The series is still a decent series to watch. The end… was a bit meh after the first hour and a half being really good.

What are your thoughts?

Two women and an electric drill on a mission…

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Well it’s official, we’ve raised enough to stay at our location for the next month and hoping to continue this streak of good luck! We had some donations and with the help of our community (especially our spooky friends) we have hope to continue this fight to keep our business open and at its current location.

So what does this mean? Well… for starters… we are gonna go BIG or go home. After talking to many business owners in the same field and hearing feed back from other creators, we have decided to upgrade our museum, our front display windows, expanding our gift shop, and adding online classes to our regular class & event schedule.

After today, we are closing for 48 hrs to try to revamp, move, renovate, and renew our space.
Two women, paint brushes, hammers, an an electric drill, and a 12 ft ladder…
what could go wrong??

It’s definitely a race to the finish line as we try to recharge our location to spark curb appeal, interest, and get more customers in the door.

Excited? Yes! Terrified? Yes! Is this a big fucking gamble… fuck yes.
I would like to add that although I am kinda artsy & creative, I am not blessed with Bob the Builder genes and let’s keep in mind I’ve hurt myself numerous times trying to be Bob The Builder. You should see my floating shelves in my apartment… yeah not good.

This is a leap of faith and our last Hail Mary. This has GOT to work. We’re laying everything on the line to keep our business up and running.

If you can’t find me for the next two days, I’ll be knee deep in paint and drilling shit I shouldn’t be touching and hopefully… I will remerge on Tuesday. Say a prayer, cross your fingers & toes, wish on a star all that shit because we are gonna need it. haha!

Take care everyone! Wishing you all the best

Tis’ The Season

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Another year is coming to a close and (wow) had it been a fucking rollercoaster of events.

It’s Christmas and I’ve taken presents to my son’s grandmother, visited with her, and now I’m back home and sitting in my car.. contemplating a lot. Processing has never been my strong point. If I process , I have to see things for what they are…. In my case … it’s usually never a good thing.

This year has really put a crack in my rose colored glasses. Owning a business for the first time has been rough. Not having any family (good or bad) has been different… there’s a lot of silence. Trying to heal from traumatic events: financial rollercoasters , possibly losing my business that I worked so hard for, still healing an ever ending heartache, coming to grips that love isn’t a common thing and only happens once in a lifetime & the world is either with you or against you, my fathers passing (which is a blessing and a curse because he is truly the most evil person I’ve ever interacted with), I lost my aunt to cancer, my other aunt (who I love dearly) has had surgeries through out the year, and recently a loved one recently told me he could have cancer and is getting testing and possible surgery and I’m holding him in my thoughts every day because I need him to be ok and well and happy and loved and fucking here on this planet.

2025 can seriously go fuck itself.

But here I sit , in my car, contemplating it all. The hows , and whys, and what ifs. Sometime I would like my brain to just stop thinking for an hour. But honestly, the quiet may kill me.

Spending Christmas alone always is a bit tough. My mom would make everything so beautiful. We would drive around and look at Christmas lights and listen to music and sing a long or laugh about stories & situations. I miss her. I use to drag my little brother around and try to carry on the tradition. He was too young when she passed to remember we did that. Then he got older and didn’t want to do it anymore. Then I started dragging my kid around and now he’s in his 20’s and I don’t think I can force him to drive around with me😂. I guess it’s not happening this year.. and honestly. … it’s probably a time when I need it the most. This year has been so rough. I don’t have much hope in me and what belief I had in Magic & whimsical fairy tales with amazing endings is dying a slow and painful death. That makes me incredibly sad.

The music, the lights, laughing your ass off… those things are so healing to me. I miss that magic.

Well… I’m gonna go make some Trader Joe’s Gluten free mac (not sponsored in any way shape or form… although I would take it 😂) then I’m going take a nap and maybe I’ll feel a bit better? Then i’ll probably watch stranger things and then throw on John Cusack’s greatest hits, and buried myself in blankets and pillows.

I didn’t intend for this post to be such a downer (especially on Christmas ) but… I can’t fake I’m ok with everything today. My apologies.

I just really miss the people I love today and missing that Christmas magic.

Hope all of you are having a beautiful holiday, surrounded by people who love & appreciate you for you and give you the most unconditional love possible.

Happy Holidays – Wishing you all the best ❤️

Calling Out…Can You Help?

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I usually just figure things out. I’ve been dealt a lot of mess through out my years on this earth….and I’ve dealt with it. I have always figured it out. So this is new territory for me and it’s not easy to ask for help. But.. things have gotten to a certain point.

I have a small business. We opened October 2024. I was worried about what the world would look like in 2025 but I didn’t realize how bad the economy, tourism, and EVERYTHING would be.
We rely a lot on tourism. Last year … we were doing fabulously. This year with tourism being down… we are down $20,000 from last year. It hit us like a ton of bricks and buried us these past couple months. Things have picked up a bit from the holidays, but we are still trying to get back on track from the last 3 months.

We are absolutely heartbroken. Years of hard work is going to be lost. We are working so hard not to lose it and get back on track. We’ve dropped all of our personal finance into to get us through the hot Arizona summer so when this happened we had nothing.

I realize that almost everyone is going through hard times or uncertainty but I’m here to ask for help. Something I very rarely ever do. I’m asking for any help at this point. If it’s a Donation to our Go Fund Me (which starting this was a decision that was not taken lightly)or if you could share out our business info, social media, or telling your friends and family. I will link everything below.

In the meantime, we are trying to promote everywhere and anywhere, we’ve discounted all of our pricing on everything, updated our socials, TripAdvisor, Yelp, and Google pages. Now we are trying to shift things around the museum and are trying to do some heavy lifting to restyle it. If we don’t make our goal and have to leave next month… we are going to fight like hell until the end and give people a great experience even though we are incredibly sad, angry, scared, worried, and lost… we are still gonna greet everyone with a smile and a warm hug, we are going to push ourselves to the max to deliver a great experience for everyone.
Then we are going to go home and cry until our fate is determined. We so badly wanted to provide a safe space for our community.. it’s been awful to see our community come in crying because the space may be lost. It’s heartbreaking. I hate it so much that they are so sad. We are desperate at this point.. we don’t know what else to do.

So if anyone could help us in anyway.. we would be so very grateful. Here’s our info below.
We run the following businesses out of one location:
East Valley Paranormal – classes, investigations, seances, experiences and more
evpinvestigates.com @eastvalleyparanormal on socials
Rydables Tours – Mesa – ghost tours , food tours, history tours, and holiday tours
Click here to see, book, and gift our tours @rydables.mesa
Mesa’s Haunted Museum – haunted/cursed artifacts, mesa historical objects, haunted stories all nestled in to a haunted location with paranormal equipment running everywhere.
The link to our Go Fund Me – Click Here To Donate

Even if you can’t help us by donating, sharing, purchasing merch, visiting the museum……
… or anything like that… just reading this until the end is very kind and gives me a push like a little pick me up. I’m truly so very sad but I’m trying so fucking hard to be strong. I’m so tired and broken down. Just having someone read this, at least I don’t feel so alone and lost. I have a great, small , and amazing group of friends and the support of my son who has been so fantastic. But.. I have no family and no one to cry to or talk about how worried I am or how scared. Trying to be a solid rock that is strong and pushing through this… and I come home and I can barely function because I am so overwhelmed and sad.
My dream of being a business owner in my hometown… something that I’ve longed for (for so fucking long) is crumbling in front of my eyes. Yes. I feel like a complete failure. Yes. I feel so helpless while I’m trying to keep fighting.

Thanks for listening. I hope you are doing well. Sending much love to everyone and a big hug to those that are in need of it.

Michelle Pfeiffer… I feel you 

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Well, we made a social post today that it there’s a sting possibility we’ll be shutting down our business. Due to the tanking economy and rising prices of everything it’s too much to go on. I am beyond heart broken. We’re gonna keep fighting until the end of the month and hope for some sort of miracle but at this point we are about $5000 under and that’s just on our business side. We haven’t gotten a full salary in months and after sacrificing all of our personal funds to keep things going … I’m just not sure we can 😢

I’m about three days from losing my car and not paying my taxes. I have no idea what to do. I am crushed. I really loved the shop and being in this community meant everything to me. Just like everything else in life.. good things come to an end and you gotta watch what you love walk out the door. It’s hard not to see the pattern at this point. I’m pretty convinced anything or anyone I love is always taken away or leaves.

Heartbroken I’m not sure even describes it.

I’m just in a daze at this point. Clueless, helpless, and it seems like I’m a walking plague. Soooo… happy holidays

Am I stubborn enough to fight it out until the very end? Always. Do I give up easily… Never. I at least know a few people that can vouch for that. I guess I’ll give ya an update st the end of the month. We’ll see how it goes.

Have a good holiday