Category: Music/life

Two women and an electric drill on a mission…

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeTagged , , , , 1 Comment

Well it’s official, we’ve raised enough to stay at our location for the next month and hoping to continue this streak of good luck! We had some donations and with the help of our community (especially our spooky friends) we have hope to continue this fight to keep our business open and at its current location.

So what does this mean? Well… for starters… we are gonna go BIG or go home. After talking to many business owners in the same field and hearing feed back from other creators, we have decided to upgrade our museum, our front display windows, expanding our gift shop, and adding online classes to our regular class & event schedule.

After today, we are closing for 48 hrs to try to revamp, move, renovate, and renew our space.
Two women, paint brushes, hammers, an an electric drill, and a 12 ft ladder…
what could go wrong??

It’s definitely a race to the finish line as we try to recharge our location to spark curb appeal, interest, and get more customers in the door.

Excited? Yes! Terrified? Yes! Is this a big fucking gamble… fuck yes.
I would like to add that although I am kinda artsy & creative, I am not blessed with Bob the Builder genes and let’s keep in mind I’ve hurt myself numerous times trying to be Bob The Builder. You should see my floating shelves in my apartment… yeah not good.

This is a leap of faith and our last Hail Mary. This has GOT to work. We’re laying everything on the line to keep our business up and running.

If you can’t find me for the next two days, I’ll be knee deep in paint and drilling shit I shouldn’t be touching and hopefully… I will remerge on Tuesday. Say a prayer, cross your fingers & toes, wish on a star all that shit because we are gonna need it. haha!

Take care everyone! Wishing you all the best

Tis’ The Season

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeLeave a comment

Another year is coming to a close and (wow) had it been a fucking rollercoaster of events.

It’s Christmas and I’ve taken presents to my son’s grandmother, visited with her, and now I’m back home and sitting in my car.. contemplating a lot. Processing has never been my strong point. If I process , I have to see things for what they are…. In my case … it’s usually never a good thing.

This year has really put a crack in my rose colored glasses. Owning a business for the first time has been rough. Not having any family (good or bad) has been different… there’s a lot of silence. Trying to heal from traumatic events: financial rollercoasters , possibly losing my business that I worked so hard for, still healing an ever ending heartache, coming to grips that love isn’t a common thing and only happens once in a lifetime & the world is either with you or against you, my fathers passing (which is a blessing and a curse because he is truly the most evil person I’ve ever interacted with), I lost my aunt to cancer, my other aunt (who I love dearly) has had surgeries through out the year, and recently a loved one recently told me he could have cancer and is getting testing and possible surgery and I’m holding him in my thoughts every day because I need him to be ok and well and happy and loved and fucking here on this planet.

2025 can seriously go fuck itself.

But here I sit , in my car, contemplating it all. The hows , and whys, and what ifs. Sometime I would like my brain to just stop thinking for an hour. But honestly, the quiet may kill me.

Spending Christmas alone always is a bit tough. My mom would make everything so beautiful. We would drive around and look at Christmas lights and listen to music and sing a long or laugh about stories & situations. I miss her. I use to drag my little brother around and try to carry on the tradition. He was too young when she passed to remember we did that. Then he got older and didn’t want to do it anymore. Then I started dragging my kid around and now he’s in his 20’s and I don’t think I can force him to drive around with me😂. I guess it’s not happening this year.. and honestly. … it’s probably a time when I need it the most. This year has been so rough. I don’t have much hope in me and what belief I had in Magic & whimsical fairy tales with amazing endings is dying a slow and painful death. That makes me incredibly sad.

The music, the lights, laughing your ass off… those things are so healing to me. I miss that magic.

Well… I’m gonna go make some Trader Joe’s Gluten free mac (not sponsored in any way shape or form… although I would take it 😂) then I’m going take a nap and maybe I’ll feel a bit better? Then i’ll probably watch stranger things and then throw on John Cusack’s greatest hits, and buried myself in blankets and pillows.

I didn’t intend for this post to be such a downer (especially on Christmas ) but… I can’t fake I’m ok with everything today. My apologies.

I just really miss the people I love today and missing that Christmas magic.

Hope all of you are having a beautiful holiday, surrounded by people who love & appreciate you for you and give you the most unconditional love possible.

Happy Holidays – Wishing you all the best ❤️

Calling Out…Can You Help?

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeTagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I usually just figure things out. I’ve been dealt a lot of mess through out my years on this earth….and I’ve dealt with it. I have always figured it out. So this is new territory for me and it’s not easy to ask for help. But.. things have gotten to a certain point.

I have a small business. We opened October 2024. I was worried about what the world would look like in 2025 but I didn’t realize how bad the economy, tourism, and EVERYTHING would be.
We rely a lot on tourism. Last year … we were doing fabulously. This year with tourism being down… we are down $20,000 from last year. It hit us like a ton of bricks and buried us these past couple months. Things have picked up a bit from the holidays, but we are still trying to get back on track from the last 3 months.

We are absolutely heartbroken. Years of hard work is going to be lost. We are working so hard not to lose it and get back on track. We’ve dropped all of our personal finance into to get us through the hot Arizona summer so when this happened we had nothing.

I realize that almost everyone is going through hard times or uncertainty but I’m here to ask for help. Something I very rarely ever do. I’m asking for any help at this point. If it’s a Donation to our Go Fund Me (which starting this was a decision that was not taken lightly)or if you could share out our business info, social media, or telling your friends and family. I will link everything below.

In the meantime, we are trying to promote everywhere and anywhere, we’ve discounted all of our pricing on everything, updated our socials, TripAdvisor, Yelp, and Google pages. Now we are trying to shift things around the museum and are trying to do some heavy lifting to restyle it. If we don’t make our goal and have to leave next month… we are going to fight like hell until the end and give people a great experience even though we are incredibly sad, angry, scared, worried, and lost… we are still gonna greet everyone with a smile and a warm hug, we are going to push ourselves to the max to deliver a great experience for everyone.
Then we are going to go home and cry until our fate is determined. We so badly wanted to provide a safe space for our community.. it’s been awful to see our community come in crying because the space may be lost. It’s heartbreaking. I hate it so much that they are so sad. We are desperate at this point.. we don’t know what else to do.

So if anyone could help us in anyway.. we would be so very grateful. Here’s our info below.
We run the following businesses out of one location:
East Valley Paranormal – classes, investigations, seances, experiences and more
evpinvestigates.com @eastvalleyparanormal on socials
Rydables Tours – Mesa – ghost tours , food tours, history tours, and holiday tours
Click here to see, book, and gift our tours @rydables.mesa
Mesa’s Haunted Museum – haunted/cursed artifacts, mesa historical objects, haunted stories all nestled in to a haunted location with paranormal equipment running everywhere.
The link to our Go Fund Me – Click Here To Donate

Even if you can’t help us by donating, sharing, purchasing merch, visiting the museum……
… or anything like that… just reading this until the end is very kind and gives me a push like a little pick me up. I’m truly so very sad but I’m trying so fucking hard to be strong. I’m so tired and broken down. Just having someone read this, at least I don’t feel so alone and lost. I have a great, small , and amazing group of friends and the support of my son who has been so fantastic. But.. I have no family and no one to cry to or talk about how worried I am or how scared. Trying to be a solid rock that is strong and pushing through this… and I come home and I can barely function because I am so overwhelmed and sad.
My dream of being a business owner in my hometown… something that I’ve longed for (for so fucking long) is crumbling in front of my eyes. Yes. I feel like a complete failure. Yes. I feel so helpless while I’m trying to keep fighting.

Thanks for listening. I hope you are doing well. Sending much love to everyone and a big hug to those that are in need of it.

Michelle Pfeiffer… I feel you 

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeLeave a comment

Well, we made a social post today that it there’s a sting possibility we’ll be shutting down our business. Due to the tanking economy and rising prices of everything it’s too much to go on. I am beyond heart broken. We’re gonna keep fighting until the end of the month and hope for some sort of miracle but at this point we are about $5000 under and that’s just on our business side. We haven’t gotten a full salary in months and after sacrificing all of our personal funds to keep things going … I’m just not sure we can 😢

I’m about three days from losing my car and not paying my taxes. I have no idea what to do. I am crushed. I really loved the shop and being in this community meant everything to me. Just like everything else in life.. good things come to an end and you gotta watch what you love walk out the door. It’s hard not to see the pattern at this point. I’m pretty convinced anything or anyone I love is always taken away or leaves.

Heartbroken I’m not sure even describes it.

I’m just in a daze at this point. Clueless, helpless, and it seems like I’m a walking plague. Soooo… happy holidays

Am I stubborn enough to fight it out until the very end? Always. Do I give up easily… Never. I at least know a few people that can vouch for that. I guess I’ll give ya an update st the end of the month. We’ll see how it goes.

Have a good holiday

Wednesday Woes Sprinkled With A Glimmer Of Hope

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeTagged , , Leave a comment

It’s Wednesday, which means I’m sitting here willing people to walk into our local business.
The word “slow” is too fast for how business is these days. When we opened this business in October 2024 we had no idea by November 2024 things would start a downward plunge for the economy and for small businesses. “Open your own business” they said. “Be your own boss” they said. No one ever said, “Hey the economy might tank by the end of 2025”. That advice would have been much appreciated. I guess we should have seen it coming. However, we didn’t realize the severity of how hard and fast it was going to happen.

So… I site here hopeful. Willing customers to come in. Our November rent, utilities, and taxes not paid yet. We’ve used all of our personal money to stay a float during the summer, so there’s nothing left. I got rid of my health insurance, cut back on finances, scraping change for groceries & gas… it’s been difficult. We poured everything in to this place. Painted every wall, moved everything in here, sacrificed paying ourselves last month so we could get some bills paid and the staff. It’s hard to not feel completely helpless & hopeless.

So what does one do when they feel this … shitty? Well, I opened the doors, lit some incense, put on some tunes, grabbed an ice coffee, and sucked it up. We can’t give up hope. Something good can happen… right? Right?? I can either cry and be completely terrified.
Or.. I can take a deep breath, roll up my sleeves, and put that axe to the grind. I don’t want to give up. I’m so tired of watching people give up or dealing with that feeling of people giving up on me. Fuck It. I’m not the type to give up. I will fight another day AND be fucking terrified, worried, and hella sad (but I will put on a brave face). Fake it to ya make it right? Right??

Instead I’m gonna focus on the happier things coming up:
*Driving through neighborhoods, looking at Christmas lights while listening to holiday tunes and sipping on a peppermint hot chocolate.
*Enjoying the beautiful weather this time of year. Nothing is better than sleeping with a window cracked open under a ton of blankets.
* Taylor Swift’s documentary series and the “Final Show” streaming this month. (come on.. you knew I was gonna add that. It’s currently the #1 thing I’m really looking forward to lately)
*Watching Holiday Movies and being cozy.
*Watching videos online of kids getting new pets or animals finding new homes (gets me every time)
*Dogma … fucking finally… being released to streaming services. Hallelujah!
*Thinking about how beautiful my mom made the holidays. Although it makes me incredibly sad, those memories remind me that even during some of the most horrifying and brutal times.. you can still make something good out of things. She always did that. This topic deserves a whole blog post in itself. So.. I’m gonna stop here.

My heart has been pretty heavy lately. I’m desperately trying to make things good out of bad. Mentally, I’m exhausted. Emotionally, I’m fighting for a little bit of hope.
Hope… it’s something I’m still into. It’s sometimes the only thing we have.
I’ve never had much luck with it. It usually proves me to be a silly dreamer, wishing for the best, wishing on starts, wishing for the universe to hear me, wishing for someone to like me for me… that sort of thing. Most times it turns out to be a lost cause or a heartbreaking disappointment. Yet, I turn up the music, sip my last drop of coffee in my cup, take a deep breath, and hope.

(not edited because I’m not with it today)


Cold Old Bones

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeTagged , , , , , 1 Comment

YNope not a horror related post. Although, the last two weeks have been pretty fucking horrifying. But… I digress.
Life lately has been off. You feel it too right? So much frustration, uncertainty, and awful sucker punching .. left and right. It’s so hard not to feel like we are all in the Bell Jar on a daily basis. Sometimes I just wanna yell “When the fuck is this nightmare gonna fucking end?”
Yesterday, was a whirlwind of a day.
I woke up, and it took 10 min for me to not feel shitty. I was freezing (I’m getting to that old lady age where I’m freezing if it’s under 70 degrees). Anyone over 50 experience this shit?
It’s a bit ridiculous really. I remember going to dance clubs in my 20’s, in the middle of winter, and no jacket in sight with a skirt or dress on. Not cold at all. Now.. I can’t step outta my apartment without a jacket or hoodie and it’s 74 outside. What the hell is that about?
Getting old kinda sucks but I also like to wear it like a fucking survival badge.
I couldn’t sleep last night because I was so cold but I’m too cheap to turn the heater on. Heat in this economy? I don’t think so. I’ll light something on fire before I spend anything else.
I spent most of the night worrying, crying, overthinking, and just being scared as hell.
Rock Bottom doesn’t feel too great but when you are feeling the weight of everything that is going wrong or everything you know about… it just seems so … dark and cold.
After yesterday, I decided I would approach today a little differently. There were multiple encounters yesterday where people showed so much kindness and all though there were some scary conversations, it was the first time I felt like I could breathe and gather my thoughts. Fight, Flight or Freeze are some exhausting feelings. So this morning, I mustered up a little hope, got dressed, made my lunch for the day, and headed in to work with a little more wind in my sails driven by that hope. Sometimes, that is all ya got and the phrase “fake it until you make it” was my plan for the day.
I got to work, lit some incense, turned on some tunes, and just started in. If I had a hot coffee I think I could conquer that day but improvised with a bottle of water and a Trader Joes PB&J bar. Will it get me through until 1am? Maybe? Probably not? Hell I dunno but I’m willing to go for it.
Am I scared? Yes. Am I more worried now than ever? Yes. Am I incredibly tired & sad? Yes.
Is there a fucking playlist full of nostalgic tunes and Hayley Williams/Paramore songs playing in my mind, regrettable things said or unsaid hanging over my head, and an array of emotions seeping into every fiber of my being? Yes.

Today the lyrics that are repeating in my head are …
“I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, babe
Or if you strike out and you’re crawling home.”

My mind is heavy but my heart is a little more full than it was yesterday.
But.. I showed up & I’m here. Even without coffee and that is pretty serious.

Sitting here with Love, Fear, Sorrow, Worry, Stress, Frustration, Hope….
all of these feelings while being fucking cold.

Surviving Out Of Spite

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeTagged 2 Comments

Well… it’s been awhile but it feels like seconds. This past month has been gut wrenching. I’m currently going through my things trying to figure out what I can sell so I can buy groceries and put money towards the rent I don’t have. Needless to say, business isn’t going well. The economy is fucked and life is a dumpster fire. But hey… the season finale of Stranger Things is out, Taylor Swift has a documentary and a concert movie coming out this month, (Distractions. They’re beautiful things. At this point .. ignorance is bliss.) It’s cool enough to wear sweatshirts most of the day, and that Mormon lady that is on that dreadful reality tv show and then didn’t win Dancing With The Stars is going to play Roxie Heart in Chicago ( I just want to say I called this before it was announced. I said “someone should tap this chick to play Roxie in Chicago”… 4 days later it was announced)

Psychic? Maybe? I’m just fucking with you. Not psychic. BUT I do know the musical Chicago extremely well. It was a given she was going to be the next Roxie especially after the Free Dance performance on DWTS Which was fucking wild!

I’m depressed. How do I know I’m depressed? I’m tired. I’ve been binge watching shows. Besides crying every day. The stress is a lot.

Have you ever felt like nothing you do is good? Like… it’s not just me thinking that. I’ve had many just push me aside and basically show me that I’m nothing and not worth it. They can act however they want or be whoever they want and I have to be … perfect . Like all the time. Because if I’m not… if I can’t make magic happen, or give them exactly what they want, or act however they want me to act, then I’m not worth it. It doesn’t matter what they do … or what they don’t do. it always matters what I do or how I react to what they do. It’s confusing and disheartening.

The stress is coming down on me so hard most of the time .. it hurts to breathe. So I don’t want to breathe. It’s just a lot right now. People say.. it’s gonna get better. I think it’s beyond that by now.

Between the pressure of business coming to a slow crawl, the holidays reminding me that I don’t have any family (don’t get me wrong, I have my so. And he’s great but there isn’t a family here ) , I can’t buy Christmas presents, and on top of ME letting myself down… again. It’s just a lot.

It’s hard to listen to people complain about their family gatherings. What I wouldn’t give to talk to family over dinner or sitting around a fire, playing a board game or something…. The silence is so very loud at times.

Do you ever wish you could wake up and just be someone else? You could just erase the sadness , the pain, the hurt… and just start over in a different body or life. Maybe I could get it right for once? Maybe I could be successful at something? Maybe I would be worth it? And you could just … forget. Forget about what could have been. Forget about the whys or the hows. Forget that you weren’t good enough. Maybe.

Heartache that sits in silence gets so loud when you are sitting alone and thinking about things. That stabbing dull pain is a reminder that I am not and never was worth it. It’s as loud as a freight train.

I try so hard to do the right thing. To be the right way. But it all turns to shit because it doesn’t matter. It’s like having the carpet ripped out from underneath you time, and time, and time again… and I’m so stupid.. I just keep getting up and running knowing my fate. How stupid is that?

I’m not even sure what I’m good at anymore. I suck at business, I suck at cooking, I suck at organization, I suck at doing taxes, I suck at friendships, I suck at love, I just can’t remember what I’m even good at?!

And I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of the “don’t give up” motto. I’m tired of “think positive good things will come.. it’s gonna get better”. I’m so tired of pretending I’m ok.

I’m not ok. I’m really stressed. And I’m so sad. I feel frozen in fear because I don’t know what to do or how to make anything work. It’s like I’m falling backwards off a high cliff without a parachute or plan.

A lot of people will tell you “she’s so strong” , “she’s overcome do much”, “she can handle it … she’s tough”. They have no idea how much it hurts. The scars that are forever on my soul and my heart. The empty feeling I feel when I’m laying here staring at my ceiling fan wishing I would just sink into my bed and through the floor and into the center of the earth to hide from the utter hopelessness I feel. I’m not tough by choice… it is a survival technique. When you’re abandoned, violated, lied to, forgotten, and abused… you learn that you need to be tough. But … I’ve had to be tough as long as I can remember… and now… I’m tired.

I don’t want to be tough anymore. I don’t want to pretend that I don’t care so that I feel better. I don’t want to act like peoples actions or words don’t bother the fuck outta me… I don’t want to.

I see really horrible fucking people be successful, make a decent wage to stay alive , they find a true love that they can dance in the kitchen with until they’re old and gray and can’t walk anymore, people that get treated with respect and kindness even though they are fucking brutal…. I don’t know what I’ve done. But I’ve done something to deserve this pain and for people to just forget I’m here. Because I am here and they are not.

I’ve always found myself (from a little kid until now) asking myself … “when will I matter?” I’m kinda tired of asking that actually. There is never an answer. Which gives me my answer.

If it’s written in the stars for me to be nothing or mean nothing… who am I to argue? why think anything good is ever going to stick with me? It will go away too.

Sometimes it’s easier to stop trying or caring because the reality is… it doesn’t matter.

But…

I still have a little flicker of hope. What once burned so incredibly bright… it’s just a flicker of something … reminding me to take a deep breath, get some water, take a shower, lay down for a nap, and tomorrow is another day to try again. It’s a small flicker but it’s there.

Maybe…one day… those stars will finally align and those dark empty feelings will be flooded with laughter, music, and light again? Maybe I will figure out everything I’ve done wrong and learn what to do right? maybe.

Stress, Worry, Fear, and Sadness are sitting with me, myself, and I … as I worry myself sick tonight about the how’s and what’s of tomorrow.

All there is… is a little flicker of hope .

Song of the moment… The Prophecy

https://youtu.be/iQLSxbe2cJE?si=yfVc0vGR5x1taXzH

Nonexisting: the story continues

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeLeave a comment

I’m struggling to find something nice to say lately. Thoughts have been blurred by pessimism and wrapped in hopelessness.

I’m finding out that most of the people in this world are out for themselves and don’t give a fuck about anyone while the rest only want to use you when it’s convenient for them to. In the end, they still don’t give a fuck.

There is that small percentage that may actually care but are so jaded by their trauma from abusive and traumatic situations … they give up. I get it… I’m to the point of giving up. I’m not at the point “if you can’t beat them, join them” sort of thing. But… I am teetering on the edge of survival mode and throwing it all away.

Humans are self centered and incredibly selfish. Many think that their shit is more important. There is an open wound of accountability or honesty. There is a lack. In that void is a beautiful life swallowed by darkness.

I am to the point that I don’t trust anyone or anything. Through out the day my guard is up and I’m keeping a sharp eye and recording everything anyone says in my mind because I don’t trust them.

At this point , all the lies have been said. All the truths are brought to light. People will tell me “you make me feel better” while I’m absolutely shattered and just trying to make it out alive. So i put in a fake smile and try to be as cooperative as I can. If I don’t do that, I’m too intense, too sensitive, too much too observant, too open, too honest, too selfish for wanting to be treated with the same respect I give them. Difficult. Complicated. I believe that’s what they call it.

Empty promises. Forgotten Dreams. Broken Hearts, Dimmed spirit.

The last three nights I’ve cried myself to sleep. I’ve lost hope in people. For once I would love to be able to trust someone because I’ve been given horrible examples time and time and time again . It’s sad that at the age of 4 you learn to distrust and now over 50 a time when life slows down and the curtain slowly draws closed on the show.. I still am unable to trust.

The thought of that hurts my heart.

I don’t want money or a big house or a fancy car or a designer handbag… I never wanted to be a big CEO in power or in charge…. I just want some fucking peace, safety, and to trust.

Honesty. Is that an old fashioned word?

No one wants to be honest.

Why?

Somedays , I want to erase everything I know and start over and be a blissfully ignorant and naive person. I’d rather not know that people could choose to be decent and honest but instead hurt people for selfish reasons .

Trust is a word that is nonexistent in my life.

And all I can do is cry. There is no other choice at this point and time.

They will starve you, bleed you dry, or bury you so you don’t exist.

It’s hard to care deeply and not be cared about. So you just shut it off. You turn everything off so you don’t feel.

But it hurts. Deep down (hidden) it hurts.

Not existing is what hurts the most.

Angry Men and How They Behave

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeLeave a comment

Men are emotional. If I get emotional with a man it’s usually in response to his behavior and how THEY emotional deal with something.

I went to a corporate meeting today where the accountant is raising his voice and me, being condescending , cussing at me, and was trying to make me feel really stupid. It was the most humiliating things that’s happened to me since my ex-husband and how he would talk down to me and try to make me feel stupid. Needless to say… I wish I had thicker skin but after I lashed out back at him and he was “offended” and called me a bunch of names, I cried because I let that situation stoop down to his grotesque level. Also, I felt so incredibly stupid.

Most Men tell you one thing and then they change their mind and act like they never said anything like that before. Why do they do that? So they can just say women are “crazy”?

I’m pretty fucked up by his behavior and feel fucking best down. Why the fuck are men so fucking heartless and mean all the time?? How can they lie to your face and make you feel like you’ve wronged them so how?? They never take accountability for the shit they do. Yet crucify the women if we don’t fit into their box. What the fuck??

This sets me back not trusting men even farther. Do they get off on lying? Do they feel good to make us feel insignificant? What the fuck is it?

I don’t have to work today but I think I’m going to go to work but on some Cardi B and emotionally release while making bathbombs or something?

I am broke, tired, beat down, and upset.

I just don’t understand why most men are so fucking heartless. It’s really bothering me.

They were other men in the room just chilling and watching that shit go down. Not a word was uttered.

I feel pretty defeated today

Poet to Showgirl… the next era is here.

Posted on Posted in Music/lifeTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Well.. I’m a little late… but I’m here to chat about the new Taylor Swift album. If you are a person that gets irritated or uncomfortable with me matching my personal life to music… you may wanna skip this one because I am gonna bring up some shit up that I haven’t let into my brain for awhile. We are going track to track and discussing some of the lyrics in this album, the feelings they provoke, the memories they unlock, and the serious/unserious lyrics in this album.

BUT FIRST… I’M GONNA BITCH SLAP YOU A BIT.
Some don’t get this album. Most of these folks are the people that started listening to Taylor in her Folklore era and continued on the journey to Tortured Poets Department with the Eras Tour running through the veins. Let’s keep something in mind….Folklore, Evermore, Midnights, Tortured Poets Department was when she was depressed as fuck. By the time Tortured Poets came along she was literally talking about being driven mad and needed to be put away in a mental institution.
Yes… these are all great albums. Maybe some of her greatest writing. People are mad that this new album is a quirky, flirty, bouncy, an unserious/kinda serious pop album. Did you all hit your head? Did you fucking forget that this is the SAME person who sings “Shake It Off”,
“I Forgot That You Existed”, “We’re Never Getting Back Together”. HELLO???? (read that again in Cardi B’s voice) HELLO??? There was albums before Folklore people. Pull it together.
I’m not giving you shit for loving Folklore (this is my favorite album). I’m going to give you shit and shaking my head because you aren’t fucking getting it.
This woman is fucking happy… FOR ONCE! She isn’t depressed. She isn’t heartbroken. She is unbothered. She is not taking shit super seriously. She also gives zero fucks what anyone thinks. So stop your bitching or …just don’t fucking listen to the album.
I’m not a huge “Lover” fan. I don’t whine about it.. I just don’t listen to the damn thing.

Ok. Now that we got the whiny bitches to get mad and leave. Let’s talk tracks, lyrics, and feelings.

TRACKS & LYRICS (and the memories they unlock)
1. The Fate Of Ophelia
This was a great way to start off the album. Usually, I don’t typically love the songs Taylor picks as her first single. I usually feel like they are the weaker one on the album. Not this one.
It brings things full circle right away and tells you how this journey is going to go. The story line: She was drowning “in the melancholy” and she was saved by love. She’s starting to see the world different. A new light that she didn’t know existed. She is experiencing freedom to do things the way she wants to do them. This song is about falling in love not being in love with falling in love. This person just blew her fucking mind and she unexpectedly fell hard.
Let’s pause… Have you ever felt this way before about someone? I think as people get older they may experience this and their heart decides.. yep this is them. This could go great and they may feel the same way or it could go very fucking bad and they could possibly not give a shit about you. It’s such a hard gamble and you have to be so fucking brave to just say the words out loud that you are madly in love with this person. I always say I have an old lady soul. So this didn’t happen to me as I got older but it unexpectedly happened to me when I was pretty young. Falling in love, that young, is probably the most reckless thing you could do with your heart. Taylor writes in Ophelia, ” Locked inside my memory – And only you possess the key” That’s a feeling some of us know… All Too Well. Musically… this song reminds me a bit of her song “I Can See You”. Also, if you haven’t seen the NEW video to this song.. You MUST! It’s fucking amazing. The choreography, staging, direction, sets, costuming, performance, is freaking fantastic! This video will win video of the year.

2. Elizabeth Taylor
This song could have been on the “Reputation Album”. I’m not playing.. this is very Rep.
Taylor has referenced Elizabeth Taylor in Reputation and now she’s back at it again.
Did this song get me clowning for Rep Vault Tracks.. sadly.. yes it did.
Lyric wise it’s a good track. Music arrangement is fucking fire and elevates this track.

3. Opalite
This will end up as a single release. It’s boppy and friggin infectious.
The story: You fuck up and go for the wrong people to try to chase that happiness. Then when you find the one.. the skies open up and a new light shines in. With Travis Kelce’s birthstone being an opal (shout out fellow Libra) this song is just a nod to their happiness but blast their happiness into your ear drums and through your veins. Listening to this song makes me want to be in love with love. That is the best feeling. You’re down or you’ve had a busy day and your phone rings and it’s the person that makes you the happiest. It’s like all your troubles, thoughts, and fears wash down the drain and you are fucking invincible. That first “Hello” or even that memorable “Hey” can ease your mind and bring you to a place of happiness. Talking about it makes me miss that feeling. Not gonna lie. It is one of the best feelings. Taylor is in love, she’s engaged to a man that adores her, and this song exudes glitter pen initials in hearts, butterflies in stomachs, and starry eyes day dreaming of happily ever afters. Lyrically.. sweet. Musically… someone described it best as “Hair Spray” sounding. I can get behind that (even though I think they meant it as a back handed compliment) as a musical theater nerd.. I’m all for it.

4. Father Figure
People have issues with this song. They can’t stand she says “my dick’s bigger”.
I don’t think they are getting it. She is telling a story and you missed it I think.
Long story short ( just in case you don’t know the journey to her master recordings). She basically, got her masters back and she is giving them a big fucking finger. “You want a fight, you found it. I got the place surrounded”. I’m here for that. Fucking fight for your shit girl.
God I hate when men fucking mansplain shit. I have had to deal with narcissistic pieces of shit telling me what I’m worth and treating me like I’m stupid. “Mistake my kindness for weakness and find your card cancelled” That is a baller ass line. Lyrically.. fucking great. Musically… it’s good. It was cool that George Michael got some writing cred for this song.
Is it my favorite? No… but I’m here for the bad ass storyline.

5. Eldest Daughter (the infamous track 5)
For track 5.. I feel like we came out unscathed. Sure it provokes feelings but it doesn’t beat us down like some of the other Track 5’s. Eldest Daughter is a very heart felt reminder to the one you love that you are fucking ride or die (but in a more poetic way). Did I cry? Yes. Being an eldest daughter and knowing what it feels like to want to grab a person by their face and say
“I’m never gonna break that vow. I’m never gonna leave you now” and fucking mean it. Some people go through some dark shit and they are just looking for that fucking light to pull them out. Sometimes, we’re too young or too broken to have the strength to be that for someone but that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t fight like hell for their happiness. We all have our trauma or stories.. but in the end. We make our own happiness if we choose to. You either jump in and swim or you sit on the dock and watch the current take something away. Lyrically… A lyric in this song that gut punched me “And things I said were dumb”. Sometimes we say some stupid shit just to put up walls or try to protect ourselves or others. Meanwhile, what you want to say is on the tip of your tongue, fighting to get out. How badly I wish I was as poetic as Taylor to use the words… you “were raised up in the wild.. but now you’re home”. Damn that’s a good fucking line. Musically… always love a piano heavy tune from Taylor, its flows nice and I love the arrangement. A bittersweet Track 5 was refreshing than the soul crushing Track 5’s we’ve had in the past.

6. Ruin The Friendship
This song definitely sad. It was fun to hear Abigail’s name pop in there.
A song about high school love, falling for a good friend, and regretting taking the chance kissing them. The song takes a quick turn with bad news from home, a flight back, and a funeral. Losing a friend and someone you loved is so fucking hard as it is but having regrets about anything you didn’t say or do .. that’s pretty rough. Lyrically…. it’s bittersweet and vulnerable. Musically.. it’s a bit upbeat for the lyrics but it’s sweet. I don’t listen to this one on repeat. It does make me worried or start overthinking. Regret & Grief are tough.

7. Actually Romantic (this one is pissing people off especially the Brats)
This song is fucking silly and takes a swipe (In a cheeky way) at Charli XCX.
Here’s the thing. Is this song petty? 100% it is. Has she done this before. 100% she has.
If you are going to talk shit and say shitty things .. You’ll probably hear it in a song a year later.
I think it’s funny that this person can talk her shit and then people are upset if Taylor claps back. What the fuck? What kind of rules are these? If you are gonna dish some shit.. you should be able to take it too. People say Taylor’s great at playing a victim yet everyone is ok with feeling sorry for people that talk shit as she’s calling them out.
Sure there are some lines that are petty as fuck in here but ya’ll are bitching about the line “the coke’s got you brave”. Who are you trying to gaslight here? For real. There is a whole reddit board on how much drugs this person does and people commenting that they were smoking crack with her. She sings songs about drugs. And you’re upset because Taylor mentioned the “coke’s got you brave” ?? That’s like someone saying Taylor Swift is a pot head and her getting mad about it … when we know she fucking smokes pot by her lyrics and the videos of her at Coachella. Come on .. let’s get real. Lyrically… cheeky and funny as hell Musically.. simple. The lyrics didn’t need anything else.

8. Wi$h Li$st ( this song fucked me up a bit)
I thought this song was going to be a poppy, Rep coded banger. I don’t know why. Boy I was soooo wrong! This song kinda messed me up. It’s about being able to have anything or everything and you just want that one person. Your past has left you feeling scared about love or having a future with someone but you throw caution to the wind because you fucking love them so much. It really takes me back when I was younger. It’s kinda funny actually. I jumped on a plane and flew to them because nothing else mattered. I could have lost my job. They didn’t want me to go. I had a lot of responsibilities that I had at home.. but I bolted as soon as the first opportunity arrived. He said he needed me there and I went. I don’t even know if I have ever felt the need to be somewhere like I did that day. Much like this song.. they start talking and you start thinking.. I want to be with this person. What do I do? I can’t imagine myself without them. There was a moment in the trip that we were at a mall, that had a wedding chapel which was wild), and this couple came walking out and he turned to me and said “Wanna get married” I knew he was kidding and just trying to be cheeky but how I wanted to say.. “Yes. I want to marry you and be there for you and protect you and dance with you around our home and sing wildly in cars with the windows down.” But I just laughed and smiled at him and I remember looking down at the table and wanting to cry.
He didn’t mean it and it took everything in my power not to break down and cry because I never wanted something so badly in my life. This song made me think of that memory that had been locked away for many many years. I cried my eyes out with this song. It took me there and I was not ready to face that memory or that feeling.
Listening to Taylor sound happy and when she sang ” Have a couple kids, got the whole block looking like you” I knew she meant it. She can have pretty much anything she wants and she says ” Got me dreaming about a driveway with a basketball hoop”. That is fucking awesome.
She is over the moon about him and her happiness makes my heart happy. My dead, cold, desolate heart actually is fucking happy for her. Shit is hard. Sometimes you feel like nothing will work because of all the outside noise or your own fears. The line from this song that I would have loved to say that day in the mall ” We tell the world to leave us the fuck alone, and they do”. But like I mentioned before, when previously talking about Track 1, you can feel all the love for them and you can be brave and yell it out.. that doesn’t mean they agree or want it. That’s when the abandonment issues settle in and make you laugh, smile and look down at the table with the thought of.. I’ll just end up alone anyways. Like I said.. this fucked me up.

9. Wood (this is another song getting a lot of shit )
Is this song casually giving innuendos that Travis has a big dick and they have amazing sex.
Yes. Yes it does. Is that a bit cringe. I mean.. kinda. But fucking men talk about having sex all the time in songs and girls big asses and tits. They talk about Sexin’ You Up, Loving you Down, and all kinds of shit. Cardi B, Meg the Stallion, and more talk about taking it from behind and giving their men head and everyone is like.. that’s cool. Taylor implies, Travis has a big dick and knows how to use it and the Ashely’s and Chad’s are clutching their church pearls.
Good Gravy you Guys. Is the line in the song “His love was the key that opened my thighs” a bit corny? Hell yeah it is. But have you seen these two together? It’s like goofy meets goofy and they just wanna have some fucking fun. They work hard and they want to play hard. What’s the big deal? Lyrically.. cheeky, silly, corny, but fun. Musically.. I swear they are sampling a Jackson 5 song. Do you hear it? Because I hear Jackson 5’s I want you back. I’d like to see the writing credits and if they make reference to it because I think it’s pretty fucking close to that song. Also, can I say this.. So many are bitching about this song and how inappropriate it is. I’m telling you this will be a fucking single. She will make this into a Pinocchio reference and she’ll be like the blue fairy or something and everyone will love it and the radio will open their arms and embrace it. The line about the thighs is the only BIG sexual reference … she can get away with pulling a Pinocchio theme off. AND there have been Pinocchio easter eggs in the New Heights Pod AND Sabrina Carpenters insta posts. Mark my word.. this song will end up on the radio.

10. Cancelled!
I like this song.. it reminds me of Rep. The song speaks for itself. I dig the vibe.
No real notes here. I enjoyed this song a lot.

11. Honey
I guess this song is the least streamed song on the album. I’m kinda shocked by that.
BUT… I love pet names. I’ve had men call me Honey and it didn’t phase me much but I get what Taylor is saying. It melts her every time he calls her Honey. I think that’s so sweet.
I had someone call me Baby a handful of times and the first time he said it I was smitten.
Haha! I honestly just cracked myself up. There was something about the way he said it or how it sounded that would make me weak in the knees like a damn old time movie. It’s cute she is swooning over him calling her that and her working through the emotions of ” oh shit .. I like that”. I enjoyed everything about this song honestly.

12. Life of A Show Girl (featuring Sabrina Carpenter)
I love me some Taylor and Sabrina but what I really like is the theme of this song.
I was in the performing arts for a long ass time and I can so fucking relate to this song.
To be honest … this song made me cry the most. Embracing the fucking chaos of the stage and the rollercoaster that it takes you on. It’s so fucking fun. I’m hoping we get a video for this song or a live performance of it.. it’s sooo good. I don’t know he can’t be played on the radio. Both of them sound fantastic. Lyrically… perfection. Musically.. even better.
Ending this song with the crowd cheering and I believe it’s audio from the Eras Tour which gives us a little kiss on the cheek from Taylor as she ends her story of her life on Tour.

The journey the Eras Tour took us all in. From the Tortured Poet fighting like hell to keep her head above the water to the Showgirl in love and ready for the next adventure what ever that will be. It was a great story and I really liked this album. It may even be in my top 5 Taylor albums. I’m looking forward to see where this album goes and what is coming next. She always makes things fun for her fans. Also… the wedding. I’m really excited for that day to come. Life of A Showgirl Era is definitely a fun- love fest filled with vulnerable lyrics and a cheeky attitude. I’m here for it.

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear what you have to say about the album, video, press, social media chaos, easter eggs, lyrics, your personal stories… I’m here for it.

Thanks for hanging in there on this long one. Have a great week!