Men are emotional. If I get emotional with a man it’s usually in response to his behavior and how THEY emotional deal with something.

I went to a corporate meeting today where the accountant is raising his voice and me, being condescending , cussing at me, and was trying to make me feel really stupid. It was the most humiliating things that’s happened to me since my ex-husband and how he would talk down to me and try to make me feel stupid. Needless to say… I wish I had thicker skin but after I lashed out back at him and he was “offended” and called me a bunch of names, I cried because I let that situation stoop down to his grotesque level. Also, I felt so incredibly stupid.

Most Men tell you one thing and then they change their mind and act like they never said anything like that before. Why do they do that? So they can just say women are “crazy”?

I’m pretty fucked up by his behavior and feel fucking best down. Why the fuck are men so fucking heartless and mean all the time?? How can they lie to your face and make you feel like you’ve wronged them so how?? They never take accountability for the shit they do. Yet crucify the women if we don’t fit into their box. What the fuck??

This sets me back not trusting men even farther. Do they get off on lying? Do they feel good to make us feel insignificant? What the fuck is it?

I don’t have to work today but I think I’m going to go to work but on some Cardi B and emotionally release while making bathbombs or something?

I am broke, tired, beat down, and upset.

I just don’t understand why most men are so fucking heartless. It’s really bothering me.

They were other men in the room just chilling and watching that shit go down. Not a word was uttered.

I feel pretty defeated today

Recently Halsey had a sit down interview with Zane Lowe. It was really interesting how candid she was about the her standings with the music industry.

First off, can we agree that no one does a music interview better than Zane Lowe. If you have never witness this man work his magic, and you love music, you must watch his interviews. They are perfection. I would say his show is #1 for music lovers with NPR’s Tiny Desk concerts coming in as a close 2nd

In the Halsey interview it was interesting what she was saying out-loud and not holding back about the music industry. Zane starts bringing up new music and Halsey instantly shifts energy. At one point she says “I can’t make album right now”. Zane can tell she’s frustrated he slows down to give Halsey space while looking a little surprised she said it. She continues to say, “I’m not allowed to”. She went on to say her label didn’t like the way her last album was received by the public. Her newest album sold $100,000 copies in the first week, her recent tour made more money than she’s ever made on tour. Yet, her label was upset because she wasn’t doing better. They also compared her to other pop singers and how their albums were doing.

In Haley’s defense, her newest album wasn’t a pop album.. it was a concept album. Which sort of screams… we’re taking some risks here. If her label was so concerned about numbers, why let her run with a concept album? I feel that’s sort of like giving a child the biggest cookie in the cookie jar and then slapping their hand after they eat it. A concept album is an artist playground that any artist would love to roam through for the love of their craft. To labels, execs, and so forth, concept albums are a gamble and a financial risk. Sure some concept albums have done amazing but most fall under what that artist is expected to financially make.

Halsey stands by her newest album saying she’s pretty proud of it and loves it. In all transparency, i don’t own many Halsey songs BUT I think Halsey is a talented woman with a rare voice that makes her music stand out. When I say rare…please don’t take that as a disparaging remark. Other amazing female artists with rare voices like Janis Joplin, Tori Amos, Bjork, Kate Bush, Rickie Lee Jones, Dolly Parton, Pink, Florence Welch, Chappell Roan, Fiona Apple, Alanis Morissette, Stevie Nicks, Sade, Macey Gray, and I know I’m missing some but those are just the ones that popped in my head first. These talented women stood out from the peers because their voices were different. Different is good.

Now I’m going to say something that’s going to either piss some of you off or make you roll your eyes. Make artists can make a concept album easier than female artists can. If you don’t believe that, look up who made concept albums and what they made afterwards. Look into how it was critically received, what it made financially, and what they made afterwards. Female artists do not usually bounce back from a concept album that was “poorly” received in the eyes of music labels. There aren’t many.

Listening to the pain and frustration in her voice yet she sounded defeated. That made me feel really sad for her. Not many people buy physical copies of music. Many don’t make music videos anymore. Many don’t put a lot of energy into anything extra besides the actual music. The reach doesn’t go as far as it use to. Not many of us listen to the radio, plus the radio stations aren’t playing anything that wasn’t bought and sold to play on rotation, MTV isn’t playing music, and concerts are too expensive to attend just so you can check an artist out after they’ve had a few hits. So how does one get their music out there? The answer. Their team. That responsibility rests on the Team’s shoulders . Did Halsey’s team fail her a bit? Did the label not push enough to get her music out there? Or were people just not interested in a concept album? These are the questions that will never get answered or looked at , they will just slowly pull the plug on her music.

They tried to do this with Pink. She basically flipped the switch and took control. When is the last time you heard a Pink song? Pink’s net worth today is about $150 million. Her tour in 2023-2024 brought in over $700 million in record sales. Halsey, should have a conversation with Pink.

I also feel that Miley Cyrus is going through something similar that Halsey is going through. Is she getting label push back after her last album? Hey lady album seemed a bit like a concept album and she could possibly be doing something similar on her new album coming out. Miley had some weight in this industry though. With her family planted in music from dad, sister, and god mother all rooted in the music industry, plus her successful Disney roots… she’s going to get more room to play.

Should Halsey leave her label and find a newer label that is thirsty for artists to join them? I think she should. It’s clear in her tone of voice and her words that her trust in her label and possibly her team isn’t wavering. The question is , CAN she leave her label?

We just saw the uphill battle Paramore went through with Atlantic records. A 20 year contract signed when they were practically children. This contract was garbage and Atlantic records saw the talent and took advantage of those kids. That is some pretty shady shit. Twenty years later, Paramore is finally free from the grasp of Atlantic while Hayley Williams has made her own record label named “Post Atlantic”. Clearly she’s not bitter. Haha! First off , I think it’s kinda brilliant (petty but brilliant). Halsey should talk to Hayley Williams.

The question that has been circulating behind closed doors… will artist all start creating their own record labels? Will we have a bunch of indie artists running around? Hell… I’m all for that! Why not? There has been speculation for YEARS that Taylor Swift will end up creating her own music label. (I’m calling it now.. if she does…. I think the label will be called The Summit or Summit Records) After her Big Machine/ Scooter Braun show down… will she start her own recording label? It’s possible.

Does an artist, at this point, NEED a record label? Not really, if they have the funds themselves to make it happen. If they don’t have the funds, then I think a label and a team is much needed.

Who are YOU listening to right now? Are they on a big label or are they an indie artist?

Until next time, be kind to people and be kind to yourself. Much love to ya!

Welp… I write this with 12 cents in my account and a frustration that burns me to my core.

As the cost of everything keeps rising and (honestly it doesn’t look like it’s going to get any better) I’m definitely fighting to stay above water.

Rent went up over $100 extra a month, my health insurance went up and extra $90 a month resulting in me canceling it ( then of course with my luck went straight to the ER a week after canceling and had over $7000 of tests and scans ran) , car insurance went up and extra $20 a month, gas is up, and groceries … ya all I gotta say about that is what a bunch of fucking bullshit. I won’t even start about my taxes I have to pay for my business, considering I still owe $11,000 from last year let I make a little over $3,000 a month.

This is America.

And half the population thinks it’s rad I guess? I’m not really understanding.

I was told… “oh no. Don’t worry. You see.. it’s going to get better. Just wait and see. Prices will go down. Things will be great.” Who are you fucking gaslighting? Yourself??

Adding to that, we have had a fuck ton of violent crimes this year. Kids being taken away from us while they are at school, activist gone for having an opinion , assaults are on the rise , political violence…. I mean fuck man. A dude just tried to fuck up a LGBTQ nightclub in my town because he was doing it for “political reasons” and in the name of someone who passed away (wtf!?!)

Oh and media (because they are afraid to do fucking anything now) just glossed over the facts on the death of a student at a Mississippi college who was found hung in a tree. Cops told the family … oops it was suicide and he was found on campus. That was a lie. Also, who beats themselves up to where they have bruises all over them, the. Breaks their own legs, then hangs himself from a tree? Are you fucking kidding me? This same school had a teacher gunned down in his office last year because they didn’t like he was teaching Native American history. Everybody is ok with this?

Yesterday , on record, our president said that basically no media should say anything bad about him and basically said why should we give them a license for that? It was a very odd and twisted interview that was far worse than “old drunk uncle Ben at the family party talking out his ass again “ vibes .

This is slipping into “Authoritarian” vibes instead. If you disagree. That’s cool. I don’t know if I should feel compassion and feel sorry for you or feel frustrated that you are so easily taken advantage of.

Oh and everyone in Congress pretty much sucks. Do we have anyone with half a brain there? Sadly, no.

I could go on and on about how I feel about it but God forbid I speak my mind on what’s happening around me and to my community with out hurting the feelings of others that don’t care to hear about actual issues or real -life situations .

How long will some of you keep your head buried in the sand? Also, is it an ego thing for you to admit that we are in a total shit show and falling fast? Or is it masochistic thing you got going on as things go from bad to worse? Is it that you have given up and feel you aren’t worthy of a better life because you are stuck where you’re at so everyone else should be miserable too kind of thing? Or are you just a heartless person that has zero compassion, show sociopathic tendencies, and hate puppies & happiness? No seriously. What is it that makes a lot of you think this is awesome?

I’m so disappointed in people. I grieve the loss of humanity. I’ve never felt so broken, worried, despair, and beat down in my life…. And I’ve been through some of the most toxic- narcissistic abuse for many years… and this feels worse.

I get it. You love something or someone so much you are willing to “stick it out” , “turn the other cheek”, or “be the bigger person” all for the sake of you holding on the a delusional hope that one day they will love you, see you for who you are, or show you an ounce of compassion or care. You make excuses for their behavior. You blame yourself. You even stay for the gaslighting because they must be right. You would crawl over broken glass for them to give you 15 min of what your heart truly desires.

One day … you may wake up. You may realize, I don’t need them in my life to get what my heart truly desires. They were keeping me in a choke hold while blaming ME that I can’t breathe.

I look around and just see angry, tired, frustrated and broken people. All trying their best (some are falling short on the effort) but still trying to survive through this wacky-fucked-up game show of life. Does anyone know the perfect solution? Probably not. But… what I choose or how I choose to survive will not harm another person , starve a child, make someone feel inferior or not worthy, lie or lie for evil people, excuse predatory or abusive behavior, cherry pick versus in a bible or words in the constitution to excuse my words or behavior, or put down someone for their race, sexual preference or religion.

I am very broken today and feel extremely defeated. I grieve for humanity. My heart is broken by how cruel it is lately. How awful and evil people can be and excuse their behavior with some ridiculous excuse. How greedy people are that they will suck your livelihood, life, love, hope, snd dreams right out of you so that they can feel important and get off on it.

It’s sick.

Im tired of crying and staying up all night worrying of the “how’s” and “why’s” Im so tired.

It’s like… you try to do the right thing and just live your life and work to survive while you feel like someone is stepping on your neck and yelling at you to get up.

I’m so tired of the disappointment. I’m tired of crying every day. I’m tired of seeing buildings obliterated with hungry children with dirt all over their innocent little faces with eyes that show so much pain and worry. I’m tired of people getting hurt or taken away from their families, never to return. I’m tired of kids losing a parent at a young age. I’m tired of the fucking violence and the people that make excuses for it.

My heart is broken and I don’t understand why or how some are good with things. I don’t understand.

Money… it seems to rule over everything. Without it, you are just a number on a sheet of paper that is quietly forgot about.

You would think at this point I would be a pro at being forgotten about. It’s happened to me time , and time , and time again . I’m only worthy if someone needs something from me. I’m only needed as a last resort. I am never loved but need to show others how much they are loved.

Sometimes, I wish I did have a lot of money. Maybe it’s easier to disappear, restructure your life that you aren’t feeling so low. You bury your head in the sand so you don’t get hurt? Maybe?

I dunno. I don’t have the answers .. clearly. Look at where I’m at.

There’s got to be a better way than all this. There’s got to be a way. This can’t be it.

I’m not sure how much more I can handle. It’s just.. overwhelmingly sad

I am overwhelmingly sad.

I have a few songs on repeat lately.

Thought I’d do a little Show & Tell today

Hayley Williams – Parachute

Jack White – Archbishop Harold Holmes

Amyl and the Sniffers – Jerkin’

Florence & The Machine – Everybody Scream

Sabrina Carpenter – Tears

I have pretty much given up on people.

Time & time again people show just how incredibly cruel, irrational, hateful, unstable, heartless, aggressive, and dismissive they can be.

America is super fucked up. It’s not great that’s for sure. But the world is also super fucked up and it’s not great either.

I went through life always struggling to stay a float. Always trusting people I had no business trusting. So much pain and betrayal… it fucking broke me.

I stand here today. Mending. More confident. More clear.

No more. No more letting awful people poison my happiness or treat me like I’m worthless. No more will I let myself feel worthless. When you start seeing people for who they are and what they are… it’s easier to move be forward and not letting their cruelty hurt you anymore. You realize … these people never cared about you. They never loved. You meant absolutely nothing to them. So why… why try? Why give them any time or energy? They do not care. Their actions are amplified 100% more times than any words out of their mouths

You let it go. You give it all back to the universe.

Besides this recent health scare and really shifting gears after everything….

I am more confident in each step and decision I make. I see things differently. I know longer dwell on things that have made me feel empty or broken. Things have been so much clearer.

Not gonna lie. The new Hayley Williams song , “Parachute” did send me in to despair a bit. I felt every word of that fucking song. After a cried a few times over it.. I started to get angry. Listening to her anger triggered an anger in me.

Maybe that’s what has kept me going these past couple weeks.

Everyone hang on out there and remember even when you feel like everyone abandoned you and didn’t give a shit… there are friends and some family out there that care about you and your well being.