Month: December 2025

“Stranger Things” – My Thoughts

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( • spoilers … Do Not Read if you haven’t watched it yet)

The Series Finale Recap & Thoughts ….

Things that really bothered me:

• the last 25 min was unnecessary

• El jumped from the upside down into a different planet

• El’s lip fillers has been a topic this season and when she cries they get bigger— now I realize she isn’t a little girl anymore but every scene I ended up staring at her lips. I got caught up in fixating on her fillers too

• No one dies ( they even imply that El “could” still be alive) I mean besides Mrs Wheeler, no one has scars or seriously injured from worm hole jumping unto a different planet and fighting a gigantic fucking space spider from the underworld or something , fighting and killing off Vecna and none of them got seriously hurt or killed?

• The rooftop scene was about 3 min too long. They can’t come back to Hawkins, they are too busy but can meet up once a month in a different state and stay at Robyn’s uncles house?

• Oh.. Hopper can afford caviar now

Things I liked :

• Holly’s friends starting to play D & D

• Mrs. Wheeler after 18 months still has battle scars and looks like she’s been through the hell that everyone’s been through.

• El pulls Mike into the void to say goodbye

• the Fake out of “Steve’s gonna die” – he didn’t but damn I thought they were gonna start out like that… fucking Duffers

• Henry’s memory sequence on how he became Vecna was fantastic.

• Joyce axing the fuck out of Vecna’s head.

• Holly stepping up and being a bad ass

• Steve now teaches sex ed. Haha fucking classic

Final Thoughts

This didn’t need the last 25 min It felt extended for no reason so they could put it in theaters. That whole end could have been in a montage with Robyn narrating. I kept checking the time wondering why there was 25 min left.

All in all.. it was good . The series is still a decent series to watch. The end… was a bit meh after the first hour and a half being really good.

What are your thoughts?

Two women and an electric drill on a mission…

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Well it’s official, we’ve raised enough to stay at our location for the next month and hoping to continue this streak of good luck! We had some donations and with the help of our community (especially our spooky friends) we have hope to continue this fight to keep our business open and at its current location.

So what does this mean? Well… for starters… we are gonna go BIG or go home. After talking to many business owners in the same field and hearing feed back from other creators, we have decided to upgrade our museum, our front display windows, expanding our gift shop, and adding online classes to our regular class & event schedule.

After today, we are closing for 48 hrs to try to revamp, move, renovate, and renew our space.
Two women, paint brushes, hammers, an an electric drill, and a 12 ft ladder…
what could go wrong??

It’s definitely a race to the finish line as we try to recharge our location to spark curb appeal, interest, and get more customers in the door.

Excited? Yes! Terrified? Yes! Is this a big fucking gamble… fuck yes.
I would like to add that although I am kinda artsy & creative, I am not blessed with Bob the Builder genes and let’s keep in mind I’ve hurt myself numerous times trying to be Bob The Builder. You should see my floating shelves in my apartment… yeah not good.

This is a leap of faith and our last Hail Mary. This has GOT to work. We’re laying everything on the line to keep our business up and running.

If you can’t find me for the next two days, I’ll be knee deep in paint and drilling shit I shouldn’t be touching and hopefully… I will remerge on Tuesday. Say a prayer, cross your fingers & toes, wish on a star all that shit because we are gonna need it. haha!

Take care everyone! Wishing you all the best

Tis’ The Season

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Another year is coming to a close and (wow) had it been a fucking rollercoaster of events.

It’s Christmas and I’ve taken presents to my son’s grandmother, visited with her, and now I’m back home and sitting in my car.. contemplating a lot. Processing has never been my strong point. If I process , I have to see things for what they are…. In my case … it’s usually never a good thing.

This year has really put a crack in my rose colored glasses. Owning a business for the first time has been rough. Not having any family (good or bad) has been different… there’s a lot of silence. Trying to heal from traumatic events: financial rollercoasters , possibly losing my business that I worked so hard for, still healing an ever ending heartache, coming to grips that love isn’t a common thing and only happens once in a lifetime & the world is either with you or against you, my fathers passing (which is a blessing and a curse because he is truly the most evil person I’ve ever interacted with), I lost my aunt to cancer, my other aunt (who I love dearly) has had surgeries through out the year, and recently a loved one recently told me he could have cancer and is getting testing and possible surgery and I’m holding him in my thoughts every day because I need him to be ok and well and happy and loved and fucking here on this planet.

2025 can seriously go fuck itself.

But here I sit , in my car, contemplating it all. The hows , and whys, and what ifs. Sometime I would like my brain to just stop thinking for an hour. But honestly, the quiet may kill me.

Spending Christmas alone always is a bit tough. My mom would make everything so beautiful. We would drive around and look at Christmas lights and listen to music and sing a long or laugh about stories & situations. I miss her. I use to drag my little brother around and try to carry on the tradition. He was too young when she passed to remember we did that. Then he got older and didn’t want to do it anymore. Then I started dragging my kid around and now he’s in his 20’s and I don’t think I can force him to drive around with me😂. I guess it’s not happening this year.. and honestly. … it’s probably a time when I need it the most. This year has been so rough. I don’t have much hope in me and what belief I had in Magic & whimsical fairy tales with amazing endings is dying a slow and painful death. That makes me incredibly sad.

The music, the lights, laughing your ass off… those things are so healing to me. I miss that magic.

Well… I’m gonna go make some Trader Joe’s Gluten free mac (not sponsored in any way shape or form… although I would take it 😂) then I’m going take a nap and maybe I’ll feel a bit better? Then i’ll probably watch stranger things and then throw on John Cusack’s greatest hits, and buried myself in blankets and pillows.

I didn’t intend for this post to be such a downer (especially on Christmas ) but… I can’t fake I’m ok with everything today. My apologies.

I just really miss the people I love today and missing that Christmas magic.

Hope all of you are having a beautiful holiday, surrounded by people who love & appreciate you for you and give you the most unconditional love possible.

Happy Holidays – Wishing you all the best ❤️

Calling Out…Can You Help?

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I usually just figure things out. I’ve been dealt a lot of mess through out my years on this earth….and I’ve dealt with it. I have always figured it out. So this is new territory for me and it’s not easy to ask for help. But.. things have gotten to a certain point.

I have a small business. We opened October 2024. I was worried about what the world would look like in 2025 but I didn’t realize how bad the economy, tourism, and EVERYTHING would be.
We rely a lot on tourism. Last year … we were doing fabulously. This year with tourism being down… we are down $20,000 from last year. It hit us like a ton of bricks and buried us these past couple months. Things have picked up a bit from the holidays, but we are still trying to get back on track from the last 3 months.

We are absolutely heartbroken. Years of hard work is going to be lost. We are working so hard not to lose it and get back on track. We’ve dropped all of our personal finance into to get us through the hot Arizona summer so when this happened we had nothing.

I realize that almost everyone is going through hard times or uncertainty but I’m here to ask for help. Something I very rarely ever do. I’m asking for any help at this point. If it’s a Donation to our Go Fund Me (which starting this was a decision that was not taken lightly)or if you could share out our business info, social media, or telling your friends and family. I will link everything below.

In the meantime, we are trying to promote everywhere and anywhere, we’ve discounted all of our pricing on everything, updated our socials, TripAdvisor, Yelp, and Google pages. Now we are trying to shift things around the museum and are trying to do some heavy lifting to restyle it. If we don’t make our goal and have to leave next month… we are going to fight like hell until the end and give people a great experience even though we are incredibly sad, angry, scared, worried, and lost… we are still gonna greet everyone with a smile and a warm hug, we are going to push ourselves to the max to deliver a great experience for everyone.
Then we are going to go home and cry until our fate is determined. We so badly wanted to provide a safe space for our community.. it’s been awful to see our community come in crying because the space may be lost. It’s heartbreaking. I hate it so much that they are so sad. We are desperate at this point.. we don’t know what else to do.

So if anyone could help us in anyway.. we would be so very grateful. Here’s our info below.
We run the following businesses out of one location:
East Valley Paranormal – classes, investigations, seances, experiences and more
evpinvestigates.com @eastvalleyparanormal on socials
Rydables Tours – Mesa – ghost tours , food tours, history tours, and holiday tours
Click here to see, book, and gift our tours @rydables.mesa
Mesa’s Haunted Museum – haunted/cursed artifacts, mesa historical objects, haunted stories all nestled in to a haunted location with paranormal equipment running everywhere.
The link to our Go Fund Me – Click Here To Donate

Even if you can’t help us by donating, sharing, purchasing merch, visiting the museum……
… or anything like that… just reading this until the end is very kind and gives me a push like a little pick me up. I’m truly so very sad but I’m trying so fucking hard to be strong. I’m so tired and broken down. Just having someone read this, at least I don’t feel so alone and lost. I have a great, small , and amazing group of friends and the support of my son who has been so fantastic. But.. I have no family and no one to cry to or talk about how worried I am or how scared. Trying to be a solid rock that is strong and pushing through this… and I come home and I can barely function because I am so overwhelmed and sad.
My dream of being a business owner in my hometown… something that I’ve longed for (for so fucking long) is crumbling in front of my eyes. Yes. I feel like a complete failure. Yes. I feel so helpless while I’m trying to keep fighting.

Thanks for listening. I hope you are doing well. Sending much love to everyone and a big hug to those that are in need of it.

Michelle Pfeiffer… I feel you 

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Well, we made a social post today that it there’s a sting possibility we’ll be shutting down our business. Due to the tanking economy and rising prices of everything it’s too much to go on. I am beyond heart broken. We’re gonna keep fighting until the end of the month and hope for some sort of miracle but at this point we are about $5000 under and that’s just on our business side. We haven’t gotten a full salary in months and after sacrificing all of our personal funds to keep things going … I’m just not sure we can 😢

I’m about three days from losing my car and not paying my taxes. I have no idea what to do. I am crushed. I really loved the shop and being in this community meant everything to me. Just like everything else in life.. good things come to an end and you gotta watch what you love walk out the door. It’s hard not to see the pattern at this point. I’m pretty convinced anything or anyone I love is always taken away or leaves.

Heartbroken I’m not sure even describes it.

I’m just in a daze at this point. Clueless, helpless, and it seems like I’m a walking plague. Soooo… happy holidays

Am I stubborn enough to fight it out until the very end? Always. Do I give up easily… Never. I at least know a few people that can vouch for that. I guess I’ll give ya an update st the end of the month. We’ll see how it goes.

Have a good holiday

Wednesday Woes Sprinkled With A Glimmer Of Hope

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It’s Wednesday, which means I’m sitting here willing people to walk into our local business.
The word “slow” is too fast for how business is these days. When we opened this business in October 2024 we had no idea by November 2024 things would start a downward plunge for the economy and for small businesses. “Open your own business” they said. “Be your own boss” they said. No one ever said, “Hey the economy might tank by the end of 2025”. That advice would have been much appreciated. I guess we should have seen it coming. However, we didn’t realize the severity of how hard and fast it was going to happen.

So… I site here hopeful. Willing customers to come in. Our November rent, utilities, and taxes not paid yet. We’ve used all of our personal money to stay a float during the summer, so there’s nothing left. I got rid of my health insurance, cut back on finances, scraping change for groceries & gas… it’s been difficult. We poured everything in to this place. Painted every wall, moved everything in here, sacrificed paying ourselves last month so we could get some bills paid and the staff. It’s hard to not feel completely helpless & hopeless.

So what does one do when they feel this … shitty? Well, I opened the doors, lit some incense, put on some tunes, grabbed an ice coffee, and sucked it up. We can’t give up hope. Something good can happen… right? Right?? I can either cry and be completely terrified.
Or.. I can take a deep breath, roll up my sleeves, and put that axe to the grind. I don’t want to give up. I’m so tired of watching people give up or dealing with that feeling of people giving up on me. Fuck It. I’m not the type to give up. I will fight another day AND be fucking terrified, worried, and hella sad (but I will put on a brave face). Fake it to ya make it right? Right??

Instead I’m gonna focus on the happier things coming up:
*Driving through neighborhoods, looking at Christmas lights while listening to holiday tunes and sipping on a peppermint hot chocolate.
*Enjoying the beautiful weather this time of year. Nothing is better than sleeping with a window cracked open under a ton of blankets.
* Taylor Swift’s documentary series and the “Final Show” streaming this month. (come on.. you knew I was gonna add that. It’s currently the #1 thing I’m really looking forward to lately)
*Watching Holiday Movies and being cozy.
*Watching videos online of kids getting new pets or animals finding new homes (gets me every time)
*Dogma … fucking finally… being released to streaming services. Hallelujah!
*Thinking about how beautiful my mom made the holidays. Although it makes me incredibly sad, those memories remind me that even during some of the most horrifying and brutal times.. you can still make something good out of things. She always did that. This topic deserves a whole blog post in itself. So.. I’m gonna stop here.

My heart has been pretty heavy lately. I’m desperately trying to make things good out of bad. Mentally, I’m exhausted. Emotionally, I’m fighting for a little bit of hope.
Hope… it’s something I’m still into. It’s sometimes the only thing we have.
I’ve never had much luck with it. It usually proves me to be a silly dreamer, wishing for the best, wishing on starts, wishing for the universe to hear me, wishing for someone to like me for me… that sort of thing. Most times it turns out to be a lost cause or a heartbreaking disappointment. Yet, I turn up the music, sip my last drop of coffee in my cup, take a deep breath, and hope.

(not edited because I’m not with it today)


Cold Old Bones

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YNope not a horror related post. Although, the last two weeks have been pretty fucking horrifying. But… I digress.
Life lately has been off. You feel it too right? So much frustration, uncertainty, and awful sucker punching .. left and right. It’s so hard not to feel like we are all in the Bell Jar on a daily basis. Sometimes I just wanna yell “When the fuck is this nightmare gonna fucking end?”
Yesterday, was a whirlwind of a day.
I woke up, and it took 10 min for me to not feel shitty. I was freezing (I’m getting to that old lady age where I’m freezing if it’s under 70 degrees). Anyone over 50 experience this shit?
It’s a bit ridiculous really. I remember going to dance clubs in my 20’s, in the middle of winter, and no jacket in sight with a skirt or dress on. Not cold at all. Now.. I can’t step outta my apartment without a jacket or hoodie and it’s 74 outside. What the hell is that about?
Getting old kinda sucks but I also like to wear it like a fucking survival badge.
I couldn’t sleep last night because I was so cold but I’m too cheap to turn the heater on. Heat in this economy? I don’t think so. I’ll light something on fire before I spend anything else.
I spent most of the night worrying, crying, overthinking, and just being scared as hell.
Rock Bottom doesn’t feel too great but when you are feeling the weight of everything that is going wrong or everything you know about… it just seems so … dark and cold.
After yesterday, I decided I would approach today a little differently. There were multiple encounters yesterday where people showed so much kindness and all though there were some scary conversations, it was the first time I felt like I could breathe and gather my thoughts. Fight, Flight or Freeze are some exhausting feelings. So this morning, I mustered up a little hope, got dressed, made my lunch for the day, and headed in to work with a little more wind in my sails driven by that hope. Sometimes, that is all ya got and the phrase “fake it until you make it” was my plan for the day.
I got to work, lit some incense, turned on some tunes, and just started in. If I had a hot coffee I think I could conquer that day but improvised with a bottle of water and a Trader Joes PB&J bar. Will it get me through until 1am? Maybe? Probably not? Hell I dunno but I’m willing to go for it.
Am I scared? Yes. Am I more worried now than ever? Yes. Am I incredibly tired & sad? Yes.
Is there a fucking playlist full of nostalgic tunes and Hayley Williams/Paramore songs playing in my mind, regrettable things said or unsaid hanging over my head, and an array of emotions seeping into every fiber of my being? Yes.

Today the lyrics that are repeating in my head are …
“I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, babe
Or if you strike out and you’re crawling home.”

My mind is heavy but my heart is a little more full than it was yesterday.
But.. I showed up & I’m here. Even without coffee and that is pretty serious.

Sitting here with Love, Fear, Sorrow, Worry, Stress, Frustration, Hope….
all of these feelings while being fucking cold.

Surviving Out Of Spite

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Well… it’s been awhile but it feels like seconds. This past month has been gut wrenching. I’m currently going through my things trying to figure out what I can sell so I can buy groceries and put money towards the rent I don’t have. Needless to say, business isn’t going well. The economy is fucked and life is a dumpster fire. But hey… the season finale of Stranger Things is out, Taylor Swift has a documentary and a concert movie coming out this month, (Distractions. They’re beautiful things. At this point .. ignorance is bliss.) It’s cool enough to wear sweatshirts most of the day, and that Mormon lady that is on that dreadful reality tv show and then didn’t win Dancing With The Stars is going to play Roxie Heart in Chicago ( I just want to say I called this before it was announced. I said “someone should tap this chick to play Roxie in Chicago”… 4 days later it was announced)

Psychic? Maybe? I’m just fucking with you. Not psychic. BUT I do know the musical Chicago extremely well. It was a given she was going to be the next Roxie especially after the Free Dance performance on DWTS Which was fucking wild!

I’m depressed. How do I know I’m depressed? I’m tired. I’ve been binge watching shows. Besides crying every day. The stress is a lot.

Have you ever felt like nothing you do is good? Like… it’s not just me thinking that. I’ve had many just push me aside and basically show me that I’m nothing and not worth it. They can act however they want or be whoever they want and I have to be … perfect . Like all the time. Because if I’m not… if I can’t make magic happen, or give them exactly what they want, or act however they want me to act, then I’m not worth it. It doesn’t matter what they do … or what they don’t do. it always matters what I do or how I react to what they do. It’s confusing and disheartening.

The stress is coming down on me so hard most of the time .. it hurts to breathe. So I don’t want to breathe. It’s just a lot right now. People say.. it’s gonna get better. I think it’s beyond that by now.

Between the pressure of business coming to a slow crawl, the holidays reminding me that I don’t have any family (don’t get me wrong, I have my so. And he’s great but there isn’t a family here ) , I can’t buy Christmas presents, and on top of ME letting myself down… again. It’s just a lot.

It’s hard to listen to people complain about their family gatherings. What I wouldn’t give to talk to family over dinner or sitting around a fire, playing a board game or something…. The silence is so very loud at times.

Do you ever wish you could wake up and just be someone else? You could just erase the sadness , the pain, the hurt… and just start over in a different body or life. Maybe I could get it right for once? Maybe I could be successful at something? Maybe I would be worth it? And you could just … forget. Forget about what could have been. Forget about the whys or the hows. Forget that you weren’t good enough. Maybe.

Heartache that sits in silence gets so loud when you are sitting alone and thinking about things. That stabbing dull pain is a reminder that I am not and never was worth it. It’s as loud as a freight train.

I try so hard to do the right thing. To be the right way. But it all turns to shit because it doesn’t matter. It’s like having the carpet ripped out from underneath you time, and time, and time again… and I’m so stupid.. I just keep getting up and running knowing my fate. How stupid is that?

I’m not even sure what I’m good at anymore. I suck at business, I suck at cooking, I suck at organization, I suck at doing taxes, I suck at friendships, I suck at love, I just can’t remember what I’m even good at?!

And I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of the “don’t give up” motto. I’m tired of “think positive good things will come.. it’s gonna get better”. I’m so tired of pretending I’m ok.

I’m not ok. I’m really stressed. And I’m so sad. I feel frozen in fear because I don’t know what to do or how to make anything work. It’s like I’m falling backwards off a high cliff without a parachute or plan.

A lot of people will tell you “she’s so strong” , “she’s overcome do much”, “she can handle it … she’s tough”. They have no idea how much it hurts. The scars that are forever on my soul and my heart. The empty feeling I feel when I’m laying here staring at my ceiling fan wishing I would just sink into my bed and through the floor and into the center of the earth to hide from the utter hopelessness I feel. I’m not tough by choice… it is a survival technique. When you’re abandoned, violated, lied to, forgotten, and abused… you learn that you need to be tough. But … I’ve had to be tough as long as I can remember… and now… I’m tired.

I don’t want to be tough anymore. I don’t want to pretend that I don’t care so that I feel better. I don’t want to act like peoples actions or words don’t bother the fuck outta me… I don’t want to.

I see really horrible fucking people be successful, make a decent wage to stay alive , they find a true love that they can dance in the kitchen with until they’re old and gray and can’t walk anymore, people that get treated with respect and kindness even though they are fucking brutal…. I don’t know what I’ve done. But I’ve done something to deserve this pain and for people to just forget I’m here. Because I am here and they are not.

I’ve always found myself (from a little kid until now) asking myself … “when will I matter?” I’m kinda tired of asking that actually. There is never an answer. Which gives me my answer.

If it’s written in the stars for me to be nothing or mean nothing… who am I to argue? why think anything good is ever going to stick with me? It will go away too.

Sometimes it’s easier to stop trying or caring because the reality is… it doesn’t matter.

But…

I still have a little flicker of hope. What once burned so incredibly bright… it’s just a flicker of something … reminding me to take a deep breath, get some water, take a shower, lay down for a nap, and tomorrow is another day to try again. It’s a small flicker but it’s there.

Maybe…one day… those stars will finally align and those dark empty feelings will be flooded with laughter, music, and light again? Maybe I will figure out everything I’ve done wrong and learn what to do right? maybe.

Stress, Worry, Fear, and Sadness are sitting with me, myself, and I … as I worry myself sick tonight about the how’s and what’s of tomorrow.

All there is… is a little flicker of hope .

Song of the moment… The Prophecy

https://youtu.be/iQLSxbe2cJE?si=yfVc0vGR5x1taXzH