It’s Wednesday, which means I’m sitting here willing people to walk into our local business.
The word “slow” is too fast for how business is these days. When we opened this business in October 2024 we had no idea by November 2024 things would start a downward plunge for the economy and for small businesses. “Open your own business” they said. “Be your own boss” they said. No one ever said, “Hey the economy might tank by the end of 2025”. That advice would have been much appreciated. I guess we should have seen it coming. However, we didn’t realize the severity of how hard and fast it was going to happen.

So… I site here hopeful. Willing customers to come in. Our November rent, utilities, and taxes not paid yet. We’ve used all of our personal money to stay a float during the summer, so there’s nothing left. I got rid of my health insurance, cut back on finances, scraping change for groceries & gas… it’s been difficult. We poured everything in to this place. Painted every wall, moved everything in here, sacrificed paying ourselves last month so we could get some bills paid and the staff. It’s hard to not feel completely helpless & hopeless.

So what does one do when they feel this … shitty? Well, I opened the doors, lit some incense, put on some tunes, grabbed an ice coffee, and sucked it up. We can’t give up hope. Something good can happen… right? Right?? I can either cry and be completely terrified.
Or.. I can take a deep breath, roll up my sleeves, and put that axe to the grind. I don’t want to give up. I’m so tired of watching people give up or dealing with that feeling of people giving up on me. Fuck It. I’m not the type to give up. I will fight another day AND be fucking terrified, worried, and hella sad (but I will put on a brave face). Fake it to ya make it right? Right??

Instead I’m gonna focus on the happier things coming up:
*Driving through neighborhoods, looking at Christmas lights while listening to holiday tunes and sipping on a peppermint hot chocolate.
*Enjoying the beautiful weather this time of year. Nothing is better than sleeping with a window cracked open under a ton of blankets.
* Taylor Swift’s documentary series and the “Final Show” streaming this month. (come on.. you knew I was gonna add that. It’s currently the #1 thing I’m really looking forward to lately)
*Watching Holiday Movies and being cozy.
*Watching videos online of kids getting new pets or animals finding new homes (gets me every time)
*Dogma … fucking finally… being released to streaming services. Hallelujah!
*Thinking about how beautiful my mom made the holidays. Although it makes me incredibly sad, those memories remind me that even during some of the most horrifying and brutal times.. you can still make something good out of things. She always did that. This topic deserves a whole blog post in itself. So.. I’m gonna stop here.

My heart has been pretty heavy lately. I’m desperately trying to make things good out of bad. Mentally, I’m exhausted. Emotionally, I’m fighting for a little bit of hope.
Hope… it’s something I’m still into. It’s sometimes the only thing we have.
I’ve never had much luck with it. It usually proves me to be a silly dreamer, wishing for the best, wishing on starts, wishing for the universe to hear me, wishing for someone to like me for me… that sort of thing. Most times it turns out to be a lost cause or a heartbreaking disappointment. Yet, I turn up the music, sip my last drop of coffee in my cup, take a deep breath, and hope.

(not edited because I’m not with it today)