Well, it’s a new day.

I’m sure many of you are feeling the stress of what is going on in the world. There really hasn’t been anything to celebrate, be proud of, or feel good about in quite a long time.

I got gas three days ago- $3.60

Got gas yesterday – $4.20

Good times.

Rent is going up. My rent went uo $100 last year and now it’s most likely going up again. I pay over $1200 in rent.

My grocery bill hasn’t been under $280 in almost a year.

I’m not making any MORE money. In fact, I’m making less and have more bills to pay. Yet prices are consistently going up.

The daily routine: Wake up. Go to work. Go home. Cry. Go to bed.

Rinse & Repeat

There’s a constant feeling of worry & stress that looms day & night.

I don’t feel much joy, peace, happiness, or safety.

Last night, after a day of a little fuckery, I was at my limit. Tired, sad, overwhelmed, worried… it was too much. When that happens, it makes me think about other things that I have bottled up and don’t voice anything about. The well being of friends, being closed out, coming home to an empty place and not having anyone that really has time or cares what I have to say. It’s just a lot.

I woke up this morning, put my big girl pants on, and knew I had to face the day. I have a business to co-run. I have responsibilities to attend to. Feeling hopeless and sad isn’t going pay bills or make anything better .

So when I woke up I did my skin care routine that I skipped yesterday, spent 10 extra min in the shower to clear my head and use my new body wash, did my hair and make up, made a cup of coffee , had a slice of local made sourdough bread, contemplating getting my nails done , thought about going pink again for my hair, turned on tunes, ignored my phone for a few hours and submitted an application for an advisory board for my city.

Am I starting a little too late to jump into city workings and possibly politics. Probably. But fuck … Mitch McConnell is out there Washington still doing his thing and has NOOO fucking idea where he is or what’s is happening… so I think I have some good years left in me.

Also, a piece of property is going up for sale downtown and it’s very special and I want it. I’m gonna by lotto tickets and cross my fingers , toes, whatever it takes… this property has three homes on it and a farm. I want to help the farmers on that land continue to do what they do. I want to preserve a piece of history in my area.

Sadness , uncertainty, grief, insecurity, and fear isnt going to shut me down. Sure, it may creep in during the wee hours of the morning… but right now… now is the time to accept the world and people for who they are and what they show you. You can’t do anything about it, it is what it is. You gotta just keep fighting through your day to make your own sunlight. If not, the darkness consumes you and you’re stuck.

Sure , everyone keeps saying it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. It’s pretty fucking bad now so…. Fuck. I guess I’ll continue to talk to myself, figure out things on my own, work through shit day to day, try not to worry or stress over things that I have no control over or say in… surrender.

Feeling something is usually frowned upon by others. At least, that’s what I’ve experienced.

I’m not going to apologize for caring. If people can’t understand that … that’s not my problem AND I refuse to be anyone but myself.

Fuck it.

Well… I’m off to start my day. Not much sleep happened last night, there were many tears shed, but I won’t allow my sadness, stress, and fear follow me today.

Today is a completely different day, a fresh start, & new day for opportunity.

I hope you are doing well and I wish the best for all of you as we navigate through this fucking dumpster fire of a world filled with some pretty shitty people. Be the reason to give someone hope that there are good people out there.

Much love to you.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4WAcA09PP6kSj8eywfsIWn?si=lg5K8sceRuWqtLQD3BnPCA