I am at a cross road. I’m emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. So I have two personalities jockeying for position currently.

One – depressed me that is overwhelmed by everything , crying myself to sleep at night with a playlist on repeat, not wanting to get out of bed, avoiding all gluten, cutting back on coffee, afraid to drive my car anywhere ( my tires are low, I haven’t had an oil change in a year… I’m terrified to drive any farther than my work and home) , cry and feel regret, worry myself sick about friend’s medical outcomes, numb out and disassociate, cry in the parking lot because I don’t want to grocery shop but also cry because I don’t have the money to grocery shop, be so upset that there are some evil fucked up people in the world and I feel useless in helping in any way shape or form, I think about my death at least twice a week, I’m worried because I don’t know if I have the skills to survive WW3, and cry some more.

Then there is cunty me that is fucking tired of men doing and saying WHATEVER they fucking want because they want it their way or no way else, go to bed mad because I want to light a match and burn it all the fuck down, I wanna eat a loaf of garlic bread with a jar of spaghetti sauce, I want a 32 oz coffee every other day.. fuck it … it’s the only think lately that doesn’t make me wanna walk the plank on a daily basis, I wanna get in my car and just drive the fuck away from here , I want to pretend for a weekend someplace else and have no responsibilities, room service, & wild nights with zero regrets, I am fucking tired of feeling guilty for loving people, i want to curse all the horrible fucking mean people in the world and smite my enemies, in the event of WW3 I think I could be an excellent informant that will cut you from balls to throat if you threaten me, my family, or my friends..:. Seriously from nuts to thorax. Fucking done with people not recognizing my worth and treating me like a consolation prize..:… burn it fucking down

Which of these alter egos will prevail?

Maybe I just need an oil change and a good hair cut & facial? I dunno I can’t figure it out all in one night.

Or….. I can just choose to be this chick…